Shaved versus “natural” looks. This is a matter of taste (pun
intended). Pussies shaved bare are very sensitive and sensual, especially
once you begin to get things wet with your tounge. You can also trim her
bush for her, which by the way, is a great turn on for her, and shows her
how delicate and gentle you can be. If you can’t convince her to shave
it all off, try buying her a swimsuit that is very narrowly cut down the
front. She’ll likely shave so she can wear the suit. If neither of you
wants her shaved bare, make it a part of your foreplay to keep her bush
trimmed neatly.

Trimming her bush is best done with a pair of small scissors with
the points rounded (or covered with adhesive tape). Using a comb, comb
through her hair gently to remove tangles first. Now, with a towel under
her, you can trim for length. Start out long, so that you don’t leave her
bush a mass of short, bristly stubble that will irriate. This is
espcially important between her legs. If her hair curls next to her
labia, cut the hair about half way through the curl, so that it doesn’t
stick straight out. If you want to shape her bush, say into a heart,
trim the outline first, before you cut the length. That way, you won’t
thin too much hair out and leave bare or thin spots.

If you are going to shave her, be sure to have a good CLEAN safety
razor, a NEW blade (less irritation and fewer nicks), soap or shave
cream, some tissue paper (for any minor nicks), and skin cream or oil for
afterwards. Shaving her pussy will be a job much like shaving your own
face, except that you’ll be working in a far more sensitive area and more
difficult too.

Begin by trimming her bush short, then laying a warm washcloth on
her while you prepare the soap. Leave her bush damp and lather, being
sure that you clean off her slit and clit so you can protect them later.
Keep the skin taut, and with a warm, wet razor, made light, even strokes.
Use your own finger to protect any potentially sensitive area from being
nicked. If you should see a cut, put a small piece of dry tissue on it
to let it stop bleeding and then continue shaving her. Holding her legs
wide, one at a time will help. Once you have shaved her mons, and around
her vaginal slit, complete the job by carefully shaving around her anus
too. All done? Good, now take the skin oil or cream (which you should
have set in some warm water), and massage that into her freshly shaved
skin.

Either way, trimming or shaving her will normally have her nerves
just slightly on edge, and the touch of your hands will cause her to
become aroused. Often, just trimming her bush will cause her to produce a
thick, white cream as you comb, tease, and trim around her most sensitive
areas. And, she can seldom resist keeping her hands from exploring your
handiwork. Let her see and feel it, and tell her she is beautiful.

…End of the part3. To be continued..

If your partner doesn’t seem to have a very firm erection, try
using a cinnamon-based ointment which you can find at your local
sex novelty store or acquire through a mail catalog. The slight
burning sensation often causes the penis to become rock-hard.
Adding a little dab to the testicles also helps. If you really
want to do a number on him, slip a dollop of Ben-Gay on his balls
and watch him go through the roof.

One of the secrets of great manual sex is varying your hand
motions. Here are a few indispensable techniques:

SWITCH HITTER
Use both hands, alternating back and forth in a pattern you
develop to offer him the most arousal. He will notice the dif-
ference. Don’t get into a routine where the strokes are dull,
and noncommittal. Give it to him good. Get him to the point
where he’s singing out, “I second that hand motion!”

DOUBLE WHAMMY
How about going double or nothing! Bring both well-lubricated
hands down on his shaft. Some cocks are so big they require both
hands. If your partner’s doesn’t, then use the other hand to
caress and lightly flutter his balls, or tighten around the base
of his shaft. If both hands fit along the length of the shaft,
move then together, up and down, in the typical pumping motion.
Pretend you’re holding a baseball bat and are about to score a
grand slam. You can also vary the directions of your hands, one
up, one down at the same time. There’s no doubt that two hands
are better than one.

THE ANVIL STROKE
Bring one hand down, letting it stroke the penis from the top all
the way to the bottom. When it hits the bottom, release it.
Meanwhile you’re bringing your corresponding hand down to the top
of the shaft, creating an alternating beating motion, hence the
name “anvil stroke.” Think of those blacksmith duos who keep up a
double beat pounding motion as they beat that rod of iron on a
piping-hot anvil.

THE SHUTTLE COCK
Not many people have heard of the “shuttle cock,” but it’s one of
the best. Take the penis in both hands, fingers lightly touching
…End of the part3. To be continued..

HARMONY THEATER
279 Church Street
New York
Located 3 blocks south of Canal Street and one block west of
Broadway, between Franklin and White Streets.
Nude Dancers
ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES SERVED: No
CLUB HOURS: Noon to Midnight
COVER CHARGE: $10.00
FOOD SERVICE: None
DRESS CODE: Anything goes

STRINGFELLOW’S PRESENTS – PURE PLATINUM
35 E. 21st Street
New York
(212) 254-2444
East 21st Street at Park Avenue
Topless Dancers
ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES SERVED: Yes
CLUB HOURS: Mon – Fri 4:00PM to 4:00AM, Sat & Sun 8:00PM to 4:00A
COVER CHARGE: $10.00, 4:00PM to 7:00PM; $15.00 after 7:00PM

PAGE 37

THE OFFICIAL STRIP JOINT GUIDE(tm)

NEW YORK (continued)

FOOD SERVICE: Yes
DRESS CODE: No sneakers, torn jeans.
INFORMATION PROVIDED BY THE CLUB:
New York’s most sophisticated club.

KORINA LOUNGE
…End of the part39. To be continued..

KANSAS

FLAMINGO CLUB
501 N. 9th Street
Lawrence
(901) 843-9800

RED GARTER INN
3400 W. 53 Street, N.
Wichita
(316) 832-9765
Take Broadway north to 53rd Street; turn left and club is
approximately 3-1/2 miles to the west.
Pasties/GoGo Dancers
ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES SERVED: Yes
CLUB HOURS: Tues – Sat Noon to 2:00AM
COVER CHARGE: $2.00 after 7:00PM
CLUB CAPACITY: 80
FOOD SERVICE: Yes
DRESS CODE: Casual

KENTUCKY

PHYLISS’S ANGELS
403 Madison Ave.
Covington
(606) 491-7709
Located in downtown Covington at 4th and Madison.
Pasties/GoGo Dancers
ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES SERVED: Yes
CLUB HOURS: 1:00PM to 2:30AM
COVER CHARGE: None
CLUB CAPACITY: 48
FOOD SERVICE: None
DRESS CODE: None

PAGE 29

THE OFFICIAL STRIP JOINT GUIDE(tm)

KENTUCKY (continued)
…End of the part30. To be continued..

PAGE 20

THE OFFICIAL STRIP JOINT GUIDE(tm)

DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA

1720 CLUB
1720 H Street, N.W.
Washington
(202) 338-1774
Located one block southwest of the White House, near the
intersection of 17th and H Streets.
Nude Dancers
ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES SERVED: Yes
CLUB HOURS: Mon – Thur 11:00AM to 2:00AM, Fri 11:00AM to 3:00AM,
Sat 4:00PM to 3:00AM, Sun 4:00PM to 2:00AM
COVER CHARGE: None
CLUB CAPACITY: 125
FOOD SERVICE: Full menu. Including appetizers, entree’s, &
specials.
DRESS CODE: No hats or cutoffs

FLORIDA
MUGS ‘N JUGS
1315 Viscaya Pkwy.
Cape Coral
(813) 574-5847

FANTASY
14411 US Hwy. 19, S.
Clearwater
(813) 535-6706

CLUB TEDDY BARE
1033 Mason Ave.
Daytona Beach
(904) 255-5599

GUMWRAPPERS
3233 N. Ocean Blvd.
Fort Lauderdale
…End of the part21. To be continued..

5) THE GAMBLERS
(note: I once left some of this premise in a message but
nobody followed through on it. Here’s a little more.)

The scene is North America, late 21st Century. A young woman
(Natasha) is playing poker at a casino. She has been doing well.
She is spoiled and rich and spends a lot of her time at the casino.
Seated at the table, along with several other men and women, is her
longtime rival. A good-looking man who has consistently beaten her
whenever they’ve played. He’s arrogant and gloats. She despises him
and vows to get even. She arranges with a female associate to stand
near him so she can see his cards. Very subtle movements tip her
associate off as to what her hand is, and other equally subtle
movements are relayed back if she has his hand beat. As a result
she has taken him for a lot of money and he is fuming.
Finally the big hand comes. He gets a full house. The bidding
gets intense and soon everyone drops out except the woman and the
man. She also has a full house, Queens over Jacks. She signals her
hand to her assistant who barely suppresses a beam of surprise and
signals back that she has him beat! The bidding escalates quickly.
He’s convinced he has her beat. At this point nearly a million
dollars are on the table. A crowd begins to gather as they watch
the two glare at each other and continually raise the pot. Finally
all their money is gone. Natasha times her suggestion well. She
suggests that they make an ultimate bet to see who is the best and
who is the born loser. He glares at her, then smiles. He’s sure
he’s got her beat. He asks her what she suggests. The loser becomes
the slave of the winner. The onlookers gasp. Slavery is legal but
they have never heard of a person betting their freedom on a hand
of cards. The rest of the casino gathers around now, all eyes
focused on the two players. He looks her up and down. She has a
great body, dressed in expensive clothes and jewelry. She is so
sure of herself, so arrogant, such a bitch! He agrees. The casino
owner brings forms for them both to sign. The signing is witnessed
by over a hundred people and the overhead camera records the bet.
It is very simple. All the possesions and properties of the loser
go to the winner. The loser legally forfeits his or her freedom and
becomes the absolute slave of the winner. The ownership is
complete.
There is silence in the casino as the two players stare at each
…End of the part5. To be continued..

A History of an Aberrent Sexual Contest

“Fnorking” is a colloquial term for contests involving females inserting
small dead animals into their vaginas. All known instances involving “fnorking”
have occurred on college campuses. The contests dealt with several females
competing to insert as many animals as possible into their vaginas, the winner
being the one able to insert more than any of the other contestants. The winner
of the contest was sometimes crowned the “fnork” queen.
The earliest known incidences of “fnorking” occurred in the late 1920’s.
The phenomenon seems to have been an outgrowth of the goldfish eating fad
prevalent at that time. Most goldfish eating contests involved college age
males consuming as many live goldfish as possible. The female collegians of
that time were less inhibited than preceding generations of females and
developed their own version of this fad. They held contests involving the
insertion of as many goldfish as possible. The goldfish were most often
inserted while live. Contest were held late at night in college dormitories,
although there is a report of one contest being held in broad daylight beside a
well stocked pond. This contest is said to have involved at least twenty-five
females and the winner was able to “consume” twenty-seven goldfish.
All known “fnorking” contests seem to have been held at exculsively female
colleges and universities, although, considering the segregation of males and
females at schools in this time period, this is not unusual. “Fnorking” seems
to have been an outgrowth of the general loosening of morals in the 20’s era
and the woman’s sufferage movements of the early part of that decade. The less
inhibited females of the era were more inclined to enter such bizarre contests.
As the fad progressed, the contests were not limited to just goldfish but
were expanded to include other specie of small animals. It is known that
contests were held involving the “fnorking” of hamsters, gerbils, lizards,
salamanders, frogs, small birds and even one contest involving chipmunks. All
of the above contests involved dead animals. The preferred method of killing
the animals was suffocation. The contests were held immediately after the
animals were killed because they were “still warm and still very pliable.”
The phenomenon seems to have disappeared after the turn of the decade.
This is possibly because of the depression era when less females were attending
colleges and also morales experienced a general regression. No known incidences
of “fnorking” have been reported until very recent times.
Recent reports have eminated from the Florida area and from Europe,
specifically at the 1991 “spring break” in Florida and one incidence in 1989 in
Denmark involving sixty college age females inserting frogs in a day long
contest. There were reports of three contests in the Miami area in 1991, two
involving insertion of goldfish and one the insertion of small toy stuffed
animals. The winner of one of the goldfish contests was able to insert twelve
fish and is reported to have recieved a cash prize in the amount of five
hundred dollars.
Interview’s of 1920’s era females involved in “fnorking” contests indicate
that no prizes were awarded in the contests, of that period. The females stated
that most entered the contests due to peer pressure. They also indicated that
the contests were held in conjunction with college fraternity initiations.
The origin of the word “fnork” is very hard to discern. All of the females
interviewed stated that “it was always called that.” One woman did offer as an
explanation that “fnork” is formed from the first letters of greek words
describing the activity. At this time I have not been able to discover the
words used, if there are any. No written descriptions of the activity have been
brought to light, although, considering the type of activity, this is not
unusual. All of the females interviewed were very reluctant to admit to being
in the contests.
Considering the recent resurgance of the “fnorking” phenomenon, it is
possible that the general lessening of sexual inhibitions in females in recent
times has allowed the fad to resurface. In this day of personal video, how soon
will some enterprising person make a record of one of these interesting
contests?

–

In today’s society, it is relativly easy to get laid, but it does
always help when you have a GAME-PLAN! This is what I am about to offer
you, A planned way to get your prick into a female’s virgina (cunt).

Getting a woman to willingly drop her pants for you is not what would
be classified as an easy task, but the ultimate result of a warm and wet
pussy snuggly wrapped around your throbbing cock is certainly well worth
your most earnest effort!

First, Don’t bother trying to go after the most popular or the best
looking female in your life! That Bitch already has every stud in the world
trying to BANG her… Search out a plain looking female who looks like she
would be flattered by attention… This does NOT mean to pick a female who
is not worthy of your attemtion.

The selection of the TARGETED female is your initial step in the
procedure!

THE INITIAL ENCOUNTER AND COURTSHIP

Your selected Bitch should possess the following traits: She should
have an out going personality, a friendly smile and fairly large tits! She
should be very limited in The Dating Game, and she should not have a
current boyfriend. After all, this isn’t a lesson on how to pick up a Bimbo
or a common whore! This is a lesson on how to PREY on a young and innocent
female! You now want to show an interest in this female. Start out by
smiling at her when-ever you see her… After a few days, if you don’t
already know what her name is, BUMP into her by accident, and act
embarrassed, but keep smiling at her when you do this… Then take this
oppertunity to introduce yourself to her by exchanging names, and be sure
to compliment her that ‘She is one of the most attractive females that you
have seen in months!’

an interest in! (CHEAT! Find out one of her interests and study up on it!)
After all, this is the female that you have decided that you want to FUCK!
Now start SWEET TALKING your target! Mention to her that you heard that she
is also interested in WHATEVER! She will jump at this chance, unless you
are a FUCKING DORK, and then you should have gone after the DOG that looked
she should be BARKING AT THE MOON!

BREAKING THE ICE

…End of the part1. To be continued..

Erosian Theory Developed

My theory came into being from a multitude of experiences
and also from inner feelings which differed tremendously
from standard practice ideas concerning sex. I’ll take
this time to break down a few of these myths concerning
sex in general, and in relation to how Erosian Theory
deals with the same situation.

I. Sex is for people in love, primarily married people.
Men get away with sex because it is condoned for them but
women shouldn’t or they’ll be cheap.

Sex is for every one old enough to deal with and handle
the responsibility of sex. Sex is for married and
unmarried people. Sex is for women as well as men. Sex is
for everyone. It is GOOD, RIGHT, NORMAL, HEALTHY, for
everyone, at anytime or place when consenting adults are
involved. I think the keyword here is consenting adults.
As long as both (or more ) parties are in agreement as to
the nature of their act, there is nothing morally, legally
or ethically wrong with any sexual act.

II. Sex should be between one man and one woman only.

Once again, the keyword here is consenting adults.
Personal tastes, and the backward thinking of certain
cultures have forced us into the molds that we live in
today. Between two consenting women, or two consenting
men, any relationship desired is correct. It is their own
PERSONAL TASTES which defines their sexuality, and not
that of a televangelist or county commissioner. As long as
both parties enjoy and consent to an act, and it doesn’t
infringe upon another’s rights, who is to criticize. Also
who is to say that the act of sex should be limited to two
people. Many times there are parties of three, four, five
or more consenting adults who desire to share each others
sexuality. Where is the harm in this, if the above
guidelines are applied?

III. The act of sex should consist of vaginal/penile
intercourse, with foreplay consisting of hand to genital
or in some circles mouth to genital contact. Anything
other than this is really unusual or sick.

…End of the part1. To be continued..

RED Tend to be tigers in the sack. They are easily aroused and
enjoy sex in every way imaginable. Once the sexual spark is
lighted, it may take hours to extinguish. When two Reds get
together, the ensuing erotica could make Lady Chatterley blush.
Lovers of Red tend to be the aggressors and weaker colors should
beware!

YELLOW If you tend to favor Yellow your sexual drivers are
complex and lean toward the adaptable. The favorite color of
homosexuals is Yellow! No don’t panic – not everyone who wears
Yellow is gay. In most cases the person will acquiesce to the
stronger partner’s desires in a passive manner. You will never
enjoy sex to the fullest, but you will never turn down an
invitation from someone you enjoy or admire.

PURPLE Lovers of the color Purple frequently consider
themselves too regal for a fun romp in the sack. Women sometimes
are the type who hate to muss their hair. Men are business-like
in their approach to lovemaking. In both sexes, Purple partners
are more concerned with their fulfillment than anyone else’s
gratification.

BLACK Black color preferences point to Black sex. These people
are the misfits of the sex world and seek out each other in
kinship. They tend to prefer perverted sex and are usually
masochistic or sadistic in nature. They are moody people and
often perform at their peak when under stress or during unhappy
times. Police psychiatrists claim that many sex offenders prefer
the color Black. And it is no coincidence that the uniform of
mobsters and teenaged gangs is Black attire.

GREEN Those who prefer Green are fresh and innocent in their
approach to sex. Women who love Green will make love like
virgins all of their life. And a man may always be a trifle
clumsy and awkward, but in a charming and endearing sort of way.
Green lovers are gentle, but not passionate. If chosen as a
mate, one will never need worry about infidelity.

PINK Persons who like Pink show a reluctance to mature in
sexual matters. Women tend to tease; to promise more than they
intend to deliver. In some cases, they flaunt their femininity -
but because they secretly hate men. A great percentage of
prostitutes boast entire lingerie wardrobes in Pink. Men who
like Pink are philanderers and flirts. They are the type who
will take three dates for the same evening and not keep one;
…End of the part1. To be continued..

I looked up at her only to find Angie staring wide-eyed at the lewd
sight of a guy slurping her hairless twat. There was no question
that I was doing the right thing, when Angie said, “Again!”

I was ready to oblige, but this time I continued my bottom-to-top
tongue-work to swirl my tongue and lips around the hard nubbin of
her little clittie. Then I was astounded to be nearly knocked
down as her legs slammed together on each side of my head and her
pelvis jerked back and forth, rubbing her slimy slit all over my
lips and chin. Angie groaned and cursed, having herself a fine
little time. Thrashing and twitching, she came and came.

When we reached her house I had to walk the poor dear to the door.
Her mother greeted us, worried at her daughter’s wobbly walk and
flushed face.

“I think Angie has come down with a fever,” I told her mom.

As Angie walked into the house, her mother said, “Thank you for
helping my Angie. You have been so kind and attentive to her.
She doesn’t have any little friends, so this bus monitor job has
been a godsend.”

As I looked over Angie’s mom’s shoulder, I realized I had better
keep talking, because Angie’s bare bottom was visible as she
ascended the stairs. So I babbled, “For now, maybe you should
just make sure Angie gets plenty of rest. She’s turning out
to be a great bus monitor.”

Turning away, I said “I want her again tomorrow,” realizing only later
that could be taken in more than one way.

Angie was back the next day smiling and light, beautiful and
beguiling. When we had dumped the last of our passengers,
we pulled into a different parking lot and got back to our
intimate talk.

“What were you thinking yesterday that made your panties so wet?”

“About you.”

“About me? You hardly paid me attention till the end of the ride.
What were you thinking of me?”

“I was wondering about you. About what your kisses would feel like.
About what your bare chest looks like, if it is hairy. About how it
would feel to run my fingers through your chest hairs. About how far
…End of the part7. To be continued..

You and I are at a dinner party
there are four other people there
they are friends
we are sitting next to each other at the table
our fingers are entwined
we hold hands for a few moments
then i move my hand to your thigh
i gentlely stroke it
i start to pull your skirt up your leg
we look at the other people sitting at the table
they are talking to each other
from time to time they ask us a question
we just nod at them
my hand finally reaches the hem of your skirt
i put my hand under your skirt
i find the hem of your panties
i put my hand inside
i slowly move my hands to where your thighs meet
i gentlely move my hands against the moist lips of your vagina
then i move inside
it is very moist and warm inside
i find your clit
and i move my finger against it
I gentlely rub up and down
you make a sharp sound
everyone turn’s towards you
they ask if something is wrong
you shake your head, no
i rub faster
you tightly close your mouth
your face screw’s up in frustration as you try not to scream out
you begin to come
another very sharp intake of breath
my finger is covered with liquid
every one turns towards you
you again reassure them that you are ok
i remove my hand from inside of you
i lower your skirt to where it was before
i slowly bring my finger to my lips
my mouth opens
my tongue reaches out
lick’s the finger
then i continue with the meal

THE END

–

…End of the part3. To be continued..

…End of the part2. To be continued..

THE END

–

i meet you in a health club
we have been lifting weights for hours
you invite me back to your apartment after we have showered
i am thirsty
i ask you for something to drink
you give me a glass of coke
you drug the coke
after i drink it, i feel very sleepy
i pass out
when i wake up i can not see
and i can not move
and when i try to make a sound
i find i can not talk
i am blind folded, bond, and gagged
i start to struggle, but not even my strong muscles can broke the
bonds
then when i stop
and give up
i hear a sound
foot steps
the blind fold is removed
i look up
i see you
you are dressed completely in black
your dress is long
and it is made from satin and silk
it is very tight
you look very beautiful, but very evil in it
you have a wicked smile on your face
i look at myself
i am totally naked
i am on a bed
my arms and legs are chained to the four corners of the bed
i get angry when i see this
i try to scream and shout
but i can not
because of the gag
i struggle
but it is only in vain
the chains will not break
but i keep struggling
you move to me
…End of the part14. To be continued..

His erection was now full blown and pressed near her pussy. How easy it would
be to lift her up and on to him. To press deeply into her and give her a
royal fucking. But that’s not the way he wanted to treat her. He didn’t want
to fuck this woman, at least not this time. This time he would make love to
her, show her with all the skills he possessed how his passion was raging to
take her to the summit and back.

He moved his lower body a small distance from hers to give him some
maneuverability. His lips began to trace light kisses from her chin to her
neck, from her neck to the hollow of her throat where he dawdled. Soon his
path moved toward the space between her creamy breasts and he felt as well as
heard her take in a deep breath, exhaling very slowly.

As he moved to kiss each nipple and suck languidly on each breast she
continued to minister to his balls. Not wishing to be aroused beyond control
he straightened his lower body out and away from her reach. This caused her
to grunt, “uuunnn”.

He whispered softly, “Later, my love. For now it’s my turn to love you.”

Either his words or his resumed kisses assuaged her temporary distress and she
all but purred as he moved his lips to her abdomen. Being very ticklish, she
squirmed as he softly kissed her tummy and he assisted her by using slightly
more pressure than before. Feeling the gentle flick of his tongue caused her
legs to part and one knee to flex.

As he proceeded to kiss down her body he could smell her desire for his
attentions and knew this was going to be a trip to remember in many ways. She
lay very still except for involuntary movements as he kissed and licked
exceedingly slowly toward the junction of her sex.

Her hands sought his shoulders and kneaded them lightly in response to his
kisses. There was no pressure in her fingertips to speak of, just a need to
touch him. She both loved the way he was going so slowly and wanted him to
get to the point quickly. He was driving her mad with desire to be kissed,
eaten, licked, sucked and taken by his tongue.

Just as she was about to scream he reached her now inflamed clit and quickly
gave her a dose of relief. He planned to take her up and down the scale many
times leading to a massive crescendo before he finished.

He played with her clit like Fox plays a Bach fugue, the subtle harmony of his
lips and tongue working in concert drove her over the brink again and again.
Her slit was teaming with her juices and still he continued. He made love to
her clit until she begged him to stop and then he moved his tongue to her
opening and worked his magic there, giving her wave after wave of pleasure.

Watching her body writhe in expended passion was a great source of pleasure
…End of the part5. To be continued..

3-STAR RATING:

Battling Beauties – Various Unknowns
Beneath The Valley Of The Ultravixens – Ann Marie; U Digard; K Natividad;
Others; Russ Meyer Production
Best Of Richard Rank: #01 & #02 – U Digard; L DeLeeue; K Stewart; Rabbit;
Pepper; T Loren;
Between My Breasts: #12 – Nikki Knockers; Relonda Love; M Mounds; Tracy;
P Plenty
Big Boobs Around The World: #01 – Suzanne Brecht; Trisha; Shona; Christina
Big Boobs Around The World: #03 – Caroline; S Brecht; M Michilin; Nurea;
Lora; Debbie Quattro
Big Boobs Around The World: #04 – Joy; Annie; J Oldfield; Susie Boobies
Big Boobs: #01 – Zoe; Donna; Toni; Maxine; D Ashby; Honey
Big Boobs: #03 – Zoe, Toni, S Owens, Debee (not Ashby), Two More
Big Boobs: #05 – S Owens; Toni; Zoe; Sue; 3 More
Big Boobs: #06 – Georgina; Zoe (Pauline); 1 More
Big Bust Babes: #03 – T Aire; Kami; S D’Lyte; S Mossitt; R Pedon; Sza Sza;
Darlene “Yum Yum” English
Big Bust Strippers: #01 – P Plenty; R Starr; B Bell; C Love; Leosha;
E DiChan; T Roche
Big Bust Strippers: #03 – L Pleasure; N Knockers; TT Galore; CC Moore;
J Juggs
Big Bust Vixens – K Stewart; Dominique; Raven; J Reeves; S Murphy; Brenda
Big Busty: Ten Years Of Big Bust: #02 – C Canyon; Virginia; Savida; T Loren;
C Starr; Lisa; Many More
Big Tit Hookers – B Boobs; L Topp; N King; E Ayes
Big Top Cabaret: #02 – B Boobs; L Topp; N King; E Ayes
Body Slam – Blondi; B Dahl; Bionca; Viper; T Loren
Bosom Buddies – Louise Leeds; Susanne Brecht; Joanne; Christine; Debbie Q
Boys Night Out – Various Strippers (sexy and stacked!)
Breast Worx: #23 – Busty Brittany; Aja; Samantha
Buttman At Nudes-A-Poppin’ – H Lee; H Melons; Juicy; A Loveroe; C Meow;
Lisa; Cindy Chimes; Suzy Q; Roxie Rae; Tina
Fox; More Unknowns
Crystal Starr – Crystal Starr
D-Cup Holiday – J Oldfield; Lu Lu Devine; C Moore; B Hills; Gloria
Duke Of Knockers – Kayla Kleevage; Justa Dream; Nilli Willis; Leann Lovelace
Fast Cars, Fantasy Women – P Price; Penthouse Pets (Penthouse Production)
Floppers – Tammie D; Stevie
Foxy Oil Wrestling – Blondi Bee; Many Others, all sexy and stacked!
Gellorama – Blondi Bee; Many Others, all sexy and stacked!
The Girls Of Tuxxedo Network – Jill; Keisha; Monique; Lauren; Diane;
Caroline; Deb; Others
Golden Nuggets #14: Real Classics #01 – Linda West; Virginia Bell; Roberta
Pedon; Candy Morrison; Penny, Star
Murphy, Carolyn Hall, Elaine Reynolds,
“The Films Of Russell Gay” featuring
Paula Page, “Tit Bits” featuring Gee
Whiz and other unknowns.
Golden Nuggets #18: Real Classics #02 – Joan Brakeman; Gee Whiz; Cupcake
Cassidy; Nancy Brown; Margret Middle-
ton; Janey Reynolds; Virginia Bell in
“Caress”; Paula Page in “I Spy”; Anita
Stein; Linda West; Honey Bee
Golden Nuggets #20: Mishka – Mishka; Chrissi Moore
Golden Nuggets #22: Show Stoppers – Lauren Van Nuys; Chrissi Moore; Bambi;
Brittany
Golden Nuggets #23: Real Classics #03 – Margaret Middleton; Virginia Bell;
June Palmer; Paula Page, Penny and
gal friends, Rosa Delmi, Suzanne
Vegas, Lee Germaine, Busty Brown,
Norma Jean(?).
Huge Ladies: #02 (“Huge Bust Workout”) – J Howard; 5 More
Huge Ladies: #08 (“Double-D Harem”) – B Boobs; Wendy Hart; Cinnamon
Mega Boob Manor – P Wynn; L White; J Hamilton; S Owens; 5 others
Mondo Topless – Darlene Grey; Others (Russ Meyer Productions)
Monumental Knockers: #01 – C Samples; K Natividad; G Reeves; D Jordon
Monumental Knockers: #02 – Host: S Kane; Stars: G Reeves; D Jordon
Satin And Lace – B Trump; Keisha; A Sterling; Penthouse Pets
Secrets Of The Kiss-O-Gram Girls – Pauline Hickey (Zoe); Donna; Others
Strip Teasers: #01 – Various
Summers’ All-Stars – Spring Break Girls
Summers’ Games – Spring Break Girls
Suzie Boobies – Suzie Boobies
Teasin’ And Pleasin’ – Keisha; Blondi; K Lane; M Malendez; D Dahl; T Marie
Topless Dancing Texas Style – Various

Future versions of this list will be forthcoming only if user demand
warrants it. If you want to see more informative, more complete
versions, leave Bwana feedback at the LOOP – 708/ 675-LOOP.
–

On our second date, we went to an Italian restaurant hidden in
a nearby small town, definitely not thie kind of place you’d look for
good food in Indiana. But, it came recommended from a friend of ours,
so we stopped there and asked for a table. Being that it was a Friday night,
we had to wait around 30 minutes for one of the ten or eleven tables to open
up – we hadn’t thought of reservations. So, we walked through the
retail district, window shopping at some crafts stores, etc., At least,
she was window shopping. I, on the other hand, was walking on the side
of her closest to the street, and whenever we stopped in front of a
store, the light from inside passed through her white silk blouse,
silhouetting her beoutiful breasts. I could see the outline of her
nipples and the surrounding area of raised aureola. To say the least,
I was excited. Luckily, my loose pants concealed my stiffening
member.

Eventually, we had to return to the restaurant, much to my
disappointment. We sat at the only table near the front window, where
we could watch the passerby on the street and the people in the restaurant.
(We had, on our first date, already spent a considerable amount of time
people watching — trying to decide how strangers were feeling based on their
actions. It was a lot of fun for us.)
The antipasta arrived, and we ordered some small main courses.
The evening was certainly off to a pleasant start. Then, in the middle
of our conversation, I felt a very pleasant, distinct touch on my leg.
Looking down, I saw her bare foot sliding up and down my right calf.
Just this touch was so sensual as to cause me to become extremely
aroused. I look across the table into her eyes, and tried to say “Wow-
thanks” without using words. She must have heard me, because her foot
left my leg to concentrate on the bulge between my thighs. Then, she
said, “I hope you weren’t planning on ordering any dessert…..here.”
I nearly lost it right then — how much could a high schooler take?
But, somehow, I managed to utter something clever that pleased her,
and our plans were sealed.
The rest of the meal passed in a blur. The next thing I knew
we were walking through this town with aour arms around each other,
and I didn’t know where we might be going. Now, she lived only
about 5 minutes from here. In fact, the church that she had gone to with
her parents was only 2 blocks from the restaurant that we ate in.
(BTW: No, she was no holy-roller. She told me she hated church, but
went because she feared her dad, and he told her to go.)
Eventually, we did come to the church, and she led me up the walkway
…End of the part1. To be continued..

25. Animals don’t fake orgasms.

26. Animals can’t get pregnant (or never have to my knowledge).

27. Animals don’t carry diseases (with a couple exceptions).

28. Critters don’t ask for money.

29. Critters can be satisfied with a handfull of barley.

30. Critters like it when you give them more than one cucumber.

31. Critters don’t ask for the keys to the truck.

32. Critters can’t divorce you and take half the farm.

33. Critters are more stimulating than a taco.
(Kinda obfuscated, but wot the fuk?)

34. Critters don’t mind if you like “Butthole Surfers” for mood music.

35. You can get cash for critters.

36. Critters are always naked. (ready!)

37. Critters don’t think you’re “Kinky”.

38. Critters don’t think you’re rude.

39. Critters don’t think.

40. Therefore they can’t find good attorneys

41. Critters have pretty eyes.

42. Critters don’t mind being tied up.

43. Critters have rough tongues.
(Well, cows and cats anyways, for you masochists.)

44. Critters have soft tongues.
(Well, Dogs and horses anyways, for us sensualists.)

45. Critters have BIG tongues!

46. Critters LIKE to use their tongues.

47. Critters don’t tell you your dick is too small.
…End of the part2. To be continued..

We were satisfied, and we fell asleep in each others arms, in the warm glow of
the afternoon.

Vignette: “A Special Night”
============================

As we looked at the moon setting over the lake, I hugged her close to me.
We knew that this night was to be very special. I could feel her warmth
penetrate me, and my desire was aroused, as if from sleep. And she, too,
had the look in her eyes of wanting me totally tonight, to completely fulfill
her intimate desires, and to fill her to the brim with my love and passion.
We walked slowly back to the cabin, caressing each other very softly and
saying to each other those sweet little nothings that lovers always do.

Back in the cabin, I rekindled the fire in the fireplace, bringing back fond
memories of when I first kindled her fire. The warmth and red glow of the
fire began to fill the cabin, driving out the biting cold of the winter.
We sat down on the warm down blanket by the fire, and shared a glass of
sweet wine as we looked in each others eyes. The reflection of the fire
in her eyes was a vision of things to come.

I put the glass down, we were finished with the wine. Everything in its
time and now was the time for passion to reign supreme. We were both on
our knees, hugging each other on that soft down blanket, tenderly caressing
each other, our mouths joined in a dreamy kiss, our tongues searching out
each other as if they had a mind of their own. I could feel her breasts
pressing against my chest. I could feel their nipples straining to get
out from the sweater that temporarily covered them. My hands wandered to
her buttocks, and felt their ripeness. I must have her now.

And she knew what I was thinking,for she broke from our kiss and embrace, and
in front of me, and in almost a teasing way, began to slowly lift her sweater.
And as the sweater uncovered her breasts, I could hear her give a faint gasp
as the nipples were released from the bondage they were just in. I helped her
to take the sweater off the rest of the way, and admired her body in the light
of the fire. The image of her full breasts, moving up and down with every
breath, was almost too good to touch. For one full minute I just watched.

–

Not warm enough
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If too cool, place jar in a pan of water on the stove and
simmer for at least 30 minutes. To spread heat more evenly,
make sure the water covers at least 2/3 of the jar, and
place a wire rack beneath the jar to raise it off the bottom
of the pan. If a glass jar is used, you can heat it in a
microwave oven for a minute or so. [This procedure is not
recommended if using a waxed cardboard milk carton.]

These heating techniques, by the way, are handy for repeated
use of your PseudoCunt between washings, unless you’re too
squeamish for sloppy seconds.

It’s also occurred to me that a hair dryer might be a quick
alternative, but I haven’t tried this. I’m not sure I could
maintain a hardon or a straight face kneeling there naked
and blow-drying a jar of spaghetti.

Bits of greasy spaghetti cling to your dick on withdrawal
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is normal. While the problem cannot be eliminated
entirely, the effect can be minimized by several means:

1- Make sure spaghetti is packed in VERY tightly.

2- Use a high-shouldered jar (see above) to help keep
the spaghetti in place on the out strokes.

3- Make sure hole in Saran Wrap is not too large.
Punch, do not cut, this hole to prevent tearing.

PseudoCunt makes distracting slurping noises
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You used too much butter, or oil, or both. Or you’ve gang-
banged your PseudoCunt one too many times and you need to
clean it out and start over again at Step 2.

Of course, if you want to fantasize about oral sex, this
…End of the part6. To be continued..

* Beyond the Law ?: OFF

* Billy Rose’s Jumbo Doris Day, Martha Raye: 1, P

* Black Narcissus ?, Jean Simmons: S, W

Blame It on Rio Michael Caine, Michelle Johnson: T

Bless the Beasts and Children JM

* Blonde Crazy Joan Blondell, M: 1, H

* Blonde in Black Silk (X) Eric Edwards, Arcadia

* Blondie Hits the Jackpot Penny Singleton, Ann Carter: OFF

Bloodsucking Freaks ?: S

* Blue Hawaii Elvis Presley, Jenny Maxwell: H, OTK

? Bluebeard (1963) SEE Landru

* Bluebeard’s Eighth Wife Gary Cooper, Claudette Colbert: OFF

* Blue Lagoon, The Leo McKern, Glenn Kohan and Elva
Josephson: H, OTK, JM, JF(ABT);
Christopher Atkins, Brooke
Shields: T

* Bob Le Flambeur Roger Duchesne, Isabel Corey: T

Bordel, The ?

Born Rich Bert Lytell, Claire Windsor

Borsalino Alain Delon, ?: 1, H

Branded Buck Jones, Ethel Kenyon

Bride for Henry, A Warren Hull, Anne Nagel

* Bride Wasn’t Willing, The SEE Frontier Girl

Brothers Karamazov, The Yul Brynner, Maria Schell: T

* Bunker Bean Owen Davis Jr., Louise Latimer:
H, OTK, W
…End of the part4. To be continued..

* Uncle Tom’s Cabin ?: Wh

Under Your Spell Lawrence Tibbett, Wendy Barrie

Under-Pup, The ?

? Unfaithful ?

Union Pacific Joel McCrea, M: 1, Shovel; also,
Joel McCrea, Barbara Stanwyck:
T

* Ups and Downs of a Handyman, The Bob Todd; Olivia Syson, Sue Lloyd,
Ava Cadell, Valerie Leon; H

* Vagabond King, The Oreste, Rita Moreno: H, W

? Vagabond Queen, The ?

* Valley of Gwangi James Franciscus, Gila Golan: T

* Vanessa ?, Olivia Pascal: Wh, B, W

* Verfuehrung auf der Schulbank ?: H, OTK, B

* Videodrome ?, Deborah Harry [et al.]: Wh

* Virtue Runs Wild John Hahn Petersen, Birgitte
Federspiel: H, D, W

* Vos Geules les Mouettes Six unknown spankers and spankees:
H

* Vous Pigez SEE Rote Lippen, Blaue Bohnen

* Waltz of the Toreadors John Fraser, Dany Robin: 1, H

* Was eine Frau im Fruehling Claus Biederstaedt, Chariklia
trauemt Baxevanos: H, OTK, W

Water Hole, The Jack Holt, Nancy Carroll
…End of the part28. To be continued..

* Sissi, Imperatrice d’Autriche ?

? Sitting Pretty ?

* Six Black Horses ?, Joan O’Brien: 1, H, W

* Six Bullets for Gringo SEE Dos Pistolas Gemelas

* Sixteen Mercedes McCambridge, Beverly
Powers: Wet Mop, W

* Smugglers, The ?, Carol Lynley: 1, H, ABT

* Sons of the Desert Stan Laurel, ?: 1, P

* Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Robin Rochelle; Michelle McClellan
Bowl-a-Rama and Brinke Stevens: P, D, W

? Sorority Girl Susan Cabot, ?: P

? South Sea Bubble ?, Annette Benson

* Spencer’s Mountain Henry Fonda, Maureen O’Hara:
1, H, D, W

* Special Delivery Cybill Shepherd, Kim Richards:
JF, 1, H, W

* Spinout Elvis Presley, Shelley Fabares: T

Spirits of the Dead Alain Delon, Brigitte Bardot: Wh

* Spoiled Brunette SEE Negra Consentida

* Spring Fever SEE Fiebre de Primavera

* Stagecoach Kid Tim Holt, Jeff Donnell: H, OTK

* Stampede Don Castle, Gale Storm: H, W

* Starlet (X) ?, Shari Mann: H, B; also, Wh

* Steel Claw, The George Montgomery, Charito Luna:
H, OTK

Story of O, The ?: Wh
…End of the part24. To be continued..

Pickup Hugo Haas, Beverly Michaels

? Places in the Heart Sally Field, ?

Please Don’t Eat the Daisies David Niven, Doris Day: 1, H

* Pokert und Muskau ?

* Postriziny SEE Cutting It Short

* Pretty Baby ?, Brooke Shields: St, OFF

Primitive Lover, The Kenneth Harlan, Constance Talmadge

* Prince Who Was a Thief, The ?, Piper Laurie: Br, B, W, OFF

* Prisoner in the Iron Mask SEE The Iron Mask

* Prisoners of the Casbah Turhan Bey, Gloria Grahame

* Professional Sweetheart Norman Foster, Ginger Rogers: H, OTK

* Project Moonbase Hayden Rorke, Donna Martell: T

* Public Deb #1 George Murphy, Brenda Joyce:
H, OTK, W

* Pulverdampf in Casa Grande ?: Wh, W

* Punition Ausgepeitscht ?, Karin Schubert[?]: Wh, B

Pyjamas ?, Olive Bordon

* Quiet Man, The John Wayne, Maureen O’Hara: 1, H

Radio Days ?: JM, St

Rapture Melvyn Douglas, Patricia Gozzi

? Ready for Love ?

* Reap the Wild Wind Ray Milland, Paulette Goddard:
H, OTK, D

…End of the part21. To be continued..

* Adventures of Tom Sawyer, The SEE Tom Sawyer (1938)

* Against All Flags ?, Errol Flynn: Wh, W; also,
Errol Flynn, Maureen O’Hara: T

Air Hostess James Murray, Evalyn Knapp

? Alice Be Good ?

? All-American Girl ?

* All by Myself Neil Hamilton, Rosemary Lane[?]:
HB, W, OFF

* All of Me Steve Martin, Victoria Tennant: H

* Aloma of the South Seas Esther Dale, Dona Drake

* Americanization of Emily, The James Garner, Julie Andrews et al.:
1, H [several]

* Amorous Adventures of Moll Vittorio De Sica, Kim Novak: 1, C
Flanders, The

? And So They Were Married (1936) ?

? And So They Were Married (1944) Simone Simon and James Ellison, JM
and JF: H, OTK

* And the Angels Sing Fred MacMurray, Dorothy Lamour;
Eddie Foy Jr., Betty Hutton;
Raymond Walburn, Diana Lynn and
Mimi Chandler: H, OTK

* Andrea the Nympho David Fox, Dagmar Lassander: St, D

Angelique and the King ?: Wh

* Angelique and the Sultan ?, Michele Mercier: Wh, W

? At the Sign of Scorpio ?

* Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer, Ray Collins, Shirley Temple: T
The

? Bachelor Father C. Aubrey Smith, Marion Davies
…End of the part2. To be continued..

1993 RIVER DIPPERS MEMBERSHIP

Name(s) ____________________________________________

Address ____________________________________________

City ____________________________________________

State _____________ Zip _____________

Phone: _______________________________

May we include you in our Members Directory? [ ] Yes [ ] No

Interests: _________________________________________________________

Membership Desired;
River Dippers Only [ ] $ 3.00 per year
River Dippers & The Naturist Society (TNS) [ ] $30.00 per year
** Additional donations are appreciated! **
Please send me the 1992 Issues [ ] $ 3.00

Total Enclosed: $ _________

TNS Membership Number (if renewing): ______________________

OUR PRINCIPLES

River Dippers believe in the wholesomeness of the human body, and
regard it as neither an object of shame nor a subject of degrading
exploitation. Our natural state is without clothing; the choice to be
clothed or not should be the option of the individual.
River Dippers act in a responsible manner above reproach in all
aspects of our chosen form of recreation — accepting the
responsibility of maintaining the natural state of the environment we
use, enjoying our state of undress in such a way as to not infringe
upon the rights of others, educating others about the merits of
clothing-optional recreation, and avoiding non-constructive
confrontations with authorities or the public.
River Dippers members come in all ages and backgrounds, and
conduct their activities for the mutual enjoyment and comfort of
everyone.

Liability Release Agreement

I acknowledge that there are risks of personal injury associated
with hiking, camping, canuding, and other activities, whether of not
organized by River Dippers, and do hereby assume any and all risks for
any said personal injury I and/or my family may sustain while engaging
in said activities, and do hereby release and forever discharge River
Dippers, its officers, and members from any action, suits, damages,
claims, and/or judgments that may result from any and all personal
injuries I or my family may sustain while engaging in said activities,
or in going to or from said activities. This release is binding upon
me, my heirs, and assigns.

Signed: ____________________________________
Applicant(s)
____________________________________

Mail to: River Dippers, P.O. Box 60562,
Sacramento, CA 95860

–

Were the 2×4 only slightly above head-high, the screwer clambered over
and hung by the armpits. He poked the cow in the ass with a toe and when the
cow switched her tail, he grabbed it in both hands, placed feet athwart
hamstrings, and by pulling on the tail and heaving with the feet, could ef-
fectively achieve his purpose. This latter method lacks the passionate
violence of the former, but suggests the method for the itinerant biker
who must make do without the niceties of dairy barns.

Having found a cow, enticed it into grabbing range, and tethered it
to a fence post, the biker goes behind, removes his boots, and gets his
in-her tube out. He grasps the tail, catches one hamstring between big toe
and the next (like a shower thong), heaves up, catches the other hamstring,
and begins to ream properly.

Unfortunately, cows have two serious faults. First, they’ll shit all
over you. You can’t even fool them into dumping first by gigging them with a
ratchet handle. The cow waits till the humper starts driving in to finish,
then lets out about a gallon of slurpy, green cowshit. The poor, fucking bas-
tard will splash it all up his shirt and get his pants full, and be grateful
that he took his boots off.

Part 2

Second, a cow is an indifferent piece, somewhat like thigh-
fucking a flabby, lard-loaded, ass-drooping fat woman; that is, hope-
lessly loose, ill-defined, and unresponsive, like screwing a plastic bag of
warm Jello. Calves are some improvement, but their common diarrhea-like
ailment known as “scours” renders them totally unfit. Yearlings are best,
like median-age women, less full of shit but not yet become vindictive. As
a final note, the beef breeds, Angus and Hereford, are most tractable. Of
dairy breeds, Shorthorn and Brown Swiss are preferred to Holsteins, which
are especially likely to shit, and to Jerseys, which are just too damn
nervous.

Horses are better than cows. Like some women, if you can get close
enough to talk to them, you can probably screw them. Also, like women who must
be taken to dinner or who get hot giving head, they can be seduced by edibles,
preferably raisins. Sugar cubes are used only in kids’ stories. A horse will
stand still to be fucked, but won’t tolerate any messing with its tail or
feet. Hence, cow technique will not work, and a horse-fucker must have some-
thing to stand on. Traditionally, horses were “stump-broke”; that is, trained
…End of the part2. To be continued..

ABOUT RIVER DIPPERS
SACRAMENTO FREE BEACH ORGANIZATION
Affiliated with The Naturist Society

River Dippers, started in 1979, is a non-profit organization
dedicated to sharing information about ‘free beaches’ (those places
where people are free to wear as much or as little as they please)
located in central and northern California. River Dippers also host a
variety of social events for our members.

River Dippers welcome all who share our open enjoyment of sun,
breeze, water, and good people in natural, outdoor settings,
unbothered by clothing. We are affiliated with the national free
beach organization, The Naturist Society.

OUR ACTIVITIES

We participate in a wide variety of activities throughout the
year; Seasonal Parties and Potlucks, Monthly Meetings, Skinny-Skiing,
National Nude Weekend, National Naturist Association Gatherings, Nude
Hiking and Backpacking, Canuding, Nude Cruises (through River Dippers
Cruises), Nude Christmas Caroling, Visits to Naturist Clubs and
Resorts, Body Painting, and more. We also hold informal monthly
meetings to discuss and plan upcoming events

SKINNY-DIPPING GUIDESHEETS

We have a five-page set of guidesheets available. Some of the
best skinny-dipping streams, rivers, and lakes in central and northern
California are shown. Places where skinny-dipping and nude sunbathing
are locally accepted and, indeed, the preferred way to visit nature
(in the outfit she issued you). Just send $2 in a self-addressed
stamped envelope (SASE) to us, regardless of whether you order our
newsletter or not.

OUR NEWSLETTER

Our quarterly newsletter keeps free beachers informed on
skinny-dipping locations and changes, on current activities in the
nude recreation movement (national, state, and local), and on
occasions when fellow River Dippers may wish to share a beach or other
activities together. Our intent is to keep organization and formality
…End of the part1. To be continued..

Have you:

91. scratched and sniffed any catalog?
92. been sexually aroused?
93. had an arousing or sexually explicit dream (Wet Dreams and the like)?
94. skinny-dipped alone?
95. read or bought erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit periodicals?
96. read or bought pornographic material that might be described as really
gross?
97. subscribed to any erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit periodicals?
(include alt.sex, alt.sex.whatever)
98. read erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit books?
99. read classic pornographic books (Candy, Fanny Hill, Naked Came the
Stranger)?
100. been bored while reading erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit
literature?
101. written erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit literature (lust
letters count)?
102. misspelled ‘dirty’ words, or misspelled other words as ‘dirty’ words?
103. read any sex manuals (e.g. Joy of Sex, Everything you always wanted to
Know about Sex)?
104. read Krafft-Ebing’s Psychopathia Sexualis?
105. read the Kama Sutra?
106. read any Presidential report on obscenity?
107. underlined, or marked ‘good’ parts?
108. made an obscene phone call anonymously?
109. received an anonymous obscene phone call?
110. received an obscene phone call and had it turned you on?
111. called any phone sex numbers (recorded or live)?
112. recorded an obscene call for later playback?
113. worked at a live phone sex number?
114. had phone sex with a friend?
115. masturbated (if you either blush at this question or answer ‘no’ to it,
give up now and go listen to some Lawrence Welk)?
116. masturbated more than four times in 24 hours?
117. masturbated on a regular basis (more than once a week)?
118. masturbated on a set schedule (Oops, gotta go, Mom. It’s time for my
3:00 jerk-off)?
119. masturbated to orgasm (isn’t that the point?)?
120. masturbated to multiple orgasm?
121. fainted while masturbating as a result of orgasm?
122. target-practice masturbated (females, too; it IS possible)?
123. masturbated with a pillow or mattress?
124. masturbated on a houseplant?
125. used an aid while masturbating (dildo, pocket pussy, etc.)?
126. used an inflatable doll for masturbating?
127. masturbated against a house-hold appliance (ie, washing machine on spin
cycle)?
…End of the part8. To be continued..

IV. I Fought the Law and *I* Won – (70 Questions)

328)__ 329)__ 330)__ 331)__ 332)__ 333)__ 334)__ 335)__ 336)__ 337)__
338)__ 339)__ 340)__ 341)__ 342)__ 343)__ 344)__ 345)__ 346)__ 347)__
348)__ 349)__ 350)__ 351)__ 352)__ 353)__ 354)__ 355)__ 356)__ 357)__
358)__ 359)__ 360)__ 361)__ 362)__ 363)__ 364)__ 365)__ 366)__ 367)__
368)__ 369)__ 370)__ 371)__ 372)__ 373)__ 374)__ 375)__ 376)__ 377)__
378)__ 379)__ 380)__ 381)__ 382)__ 383)__ 384)__ 385)__ 386)__ 387)__
388)__ 389)__ 390)__ 391)__ 392)__ 393)__ 394)__ 395)__ 396)__ 397)__

V. Mekka Lekka Hi, Mekka Hiney Ho – (30 Questions)

398)__ 399)__ 400)__ 401)__ 402)__ 403)__ 404)__ 405)__ 406)__ 407)__
408)__ 409)__ 410)__ 411)__ 412)__ 413)__ 414)__ 415)__ 416)__ 417)__
418)__ 419)__ 420)__ 421)__ 422)__ 423)__ 424)__ 425)__ 426)__ 427)__

VI. This Looks Like a Good Place for a Stick-Up – (86 Questions)

428)__ 429)__ 430)__ 431)__ 432)__ 433)__ 434)__ 435)__ 436)__ 437)__
438)__ 439)__ 440)__ 441)__ 442)__ 443)__ 444)__ 445)__ 446)__ 447)__
448)__ 449)__ 450)__ 451)__ 452)__ 453)__ 454)__ 455)__ 456)__ 457)__
458)__ 459)__ 460)__ 461)__ 462)__ 463)__ 464)__ 465)__ 466)__ 467)__
468)__ 469)__ 470)__ 471)__ 472)__ 473)__ 474)__ 475)__ 476)__ 477)__
478)__ 479)__ 480)__ 481)__ 482)__ 483)__ 484)__ 485)__ 486)__ 487)__
488)__ 489)__ 490)__ 491)__ 492)__ 493)__ 494)__ 495)__ 496)__ 497)__
498)__ 499)__ 500)__ 501)__ 502)__ 503)__ 504)__ 505)__ 506)__ 507)__
508)__ 509)__ 510)__ 511)__ 512)__ 513)__

VII. Julia Child, Eat Yourself Out – (42 Questions)

514)__ 515)__ 516)__ 517)__ 518)__ 519)__ 520)__ 521)__ 522)__ 523)__
524)__ 525)__ 526)__ 527)__ 528)__ 529)__ 530)__ 531)__ 532)__ 533)__
534)__ 535)__ 536)__ 537)__ 538)__ 539)__ 540)__ 541)__ 542)__ 543)__
544)__ 545)__ 546)__ 547)__ 548)__ 549)__ 550)__ 551)__ 552)__ 553)__
554)__ 42)__

VIII. Something Smells Fishy Down Here – (84 Questions)

556)__ 557)__ 558)__ 559)__ 560)__ 561)__ 562)__ 563)__ 564)__ 565)__
566)__ 567)__ 568)__ 569)__ 570)__ 571)__ 572)__ 573)__ 574)__ 575)__
576)__ 577)__ 578)__ 579)__ 580)__ 581)__ 582)__ 583)__ 584)__ 585)__
…End of the part47. To be continued..

Version 3.5c (400) – January 17, 1988
Finished up at Yale. Final version of the 400 point test
EVER! Feel special if you own a copy.

Version 4.0 (500) – April 23, 1988
Those snotty Yale kids thought that 400 wasn’t enough for
them. Added 100 questions “just ta show ‘em.”

Version 5.0 (1000) – sometime in the late 80’s
It was decided that 500 questions wasn’t enough. Created to
be the purity test to end all purity tests. However, it
lost a lot of the “fun” of the earlier versions and got
boring to take.

Version 5.0a (1000) – January 4, 1992
A copy of the 1000 point version got into my hands. Big
mistake. Typos were gotten rid of and the introduction was
made clearer.

Version 6.0-6.6b (1500) – April 19, 1992 – August 17, 1992
1500 questions. Bestiality, Group Sex, RHPS, Kitchen
Utensil, and Cult sections added. Extra credit done away
with. Sections put in more logical order. Genesis/History
sections and intoduction from 500 point version reinstated.
Answer sheet made.

Version 6.6c (1500) – March 25, 1993
I finally went to college and got an Internet address, and
was shocked to find that the test had actually been
distributed. So, I decided to edit out any more errors that
I found and change the introduction. However, I didn’t
change all the grammatical pronoun errors (using he/she
instead of they, his/hers instead of theirs, etc.), because
it would have been a pain in the ass. You know what it
means; deal with it. Finsihed up at Miami University in
Peabody Hall (Western Campus! Yay!).

—–

Instructions for Use:

This is a fairly long test consisting of 1500 questions. It starts out tame
and gets progressively worse (or better, depending on your viewpoint). There
are many ways of going about taking this test. You can, of course, as your
right, guaranteed by the Constitution, be anti-social and sequester yourself
in your room and take this test all by yourself; however, we feel that the
most fun way to utilize this test is to hold a Purity Test Party. All you
…End of the part3. To be continued..

IIII Legal technicalities
247)__248)__249)__250)__251)__252)__253)__254)__255)__256)__
257)__258)__259)__260)__261)__262)__263)__264)__265)__266)__
267)__268)__269)__270)__271)__272)__273)__274)__275)__276)__
277)__278)__279)__280)__281)__282)__283)__284)__285)__286)__
287)__288)__289)__290)__291)__292)__293)__294)__295)__296)__
297)__298)__299)__300)__301)__302)__303)__304)__305)__306)__
307)__308)__309)__310)__311)__312)__313)__314)__315)__316)__

V Things to do and people to do them with. (The nitty and the gritty)
317)__318)__319)__320)__321)__322)__323)__324)__325)__326)__
327)__328)__329)__330)__331)__332)__333)__334)__335)__336)__
337)__338)__339)__340)__341)__342)__343)__344)__345)__346)__
347)__348)__349)__350)__351)__352)__353)__354)__355)__356)__
357)__358)__359)__360)__361)__362)__363)__364)__365)__366)__
367)__368)__369)__370)__371)__372)__373)__374)__375)__376)__
377)__

VI Sex, Drugs and Rock ‘n Roll
378)__379)__380)__381)__382)__383)__384)__385)__386)__387)__

388)__389)__390)__391)__392)__393)__394)__395)__396)__397)__
398)__399)__400)__401)__402)__403)__404)__405)__406)__407)__
408)__409)__410)__411)__412)__413)__414)__415)__416)__417)__
418)__419)__420)__421)__422)__423)__424)__425)__426)__427)__
428)__429)__430)__431)__432)__433)__434)__435)__436)__437)__
438)__439)__440)__441)__442)__443)__444)__445)__446)__447)__
448)__449)__450)__451)__452)__453)__454)__455)__456)__457)__
458)__459)__460)__461)__462)__463)__464)__465)__466)__467)__
468)__469)__470)__

VII The Erotic, the Kinky, the Tacky and the possibly Perverted
471)__472)__473)__474)__475)__476)__477)__478)__479)__480)__
481)__482)__483)__484)__485)__486)__487)__488)__489)__490)__
491)__492)__493)__494)__495)__496)__497)__498)__499)__500)__
501)__502)__503)__504)__505)__506)__507)__508)__509)__510)__
…End of the part30. To be continued..

Page:3
II Autoerotica (No, it doesn’t mean ‘love of cars’)
have you:
70.scratched and sniffed any catalog?
71.had an arousing or sexually explicit dream (Wet Dreams and the like)?
72.read or bought erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit periodicals?
73.read or bought pornographic material that might be described
as really gross?
74.subscribed to any erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit
periodicals? (include alt.sex, alt.sex.whatever)
75.read erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit books?
76.read classic pornographic books (Candy, Fanny Hill, Naked Came
the Stranger)?
77.been bored while reading erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit
literature?
78.been afraid you were slipping into monogamy?
79.written erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit literature
(lust letters count)?
80.misspelled ‘dirty’ words, or misspelled other words as ‘dirty’ words?
81.read any sex manuals (e.g. Joy of Sex, Everything you always
wanted to Know about Sex)?
82.read Krafft-Ebing’s Psychopathia Sexualis?
83.read the Kama Sutra?
84.read any Presidential report on obscenity?
85.underlined, or marked ‘good’ parts?
86.made an obscene phone call anonymously (to someone you didn’t know)?
87.received an anonymous obscene phone call?
…End of the part3. To be continued..

Page:27
XIII Testing.
have you:
990.had an unauthorized crib sheet for a test?
991.flunked an IQ test?
992.had to study for a blood test?
993.lied on a Purity Test to improve you score?
994.done something with the intent to ‘improve’ your Purity Test
scores or used a Test for inspiration?
995.been jealous of, or impressed by, someone else’s test scores?
996.read a Purity Test aloud, without omitting sections or being
embarrassed?
997.administered a group Purity Test?
998.taken a group purity test?
999.written or rewritten a Purity Test?
1000.remembered something by taking a Purity Test?

XIIII Extra Credit:
If you have read de Sade’s “Justine.” add five points.
Add ten points if you have read de Sade’s “120 days of Sodom
& Gomorrah.”
If you know (no guessing) who followed Hendrix at Woodstock,
add one point.
Add ten points if you were at Woodstock.
If you know (experiencially) what a Scot wears under his kilt,
add three points (and 3 more if you’re female).
If you have worn a strapless gown and are male add one point.
…End of the part28. To be continued..

Page:13
453.bred your own?
454.bought ‘moonshine’ (any alcoholic beverage made outside the
Federal limit of 200 gallons annually for personal consumption)?
455.brewed your own?
456.had sex while stoned or drunk?
457.used any drug when you were to wasted to know if it had any
effect (e.g. smoked pot while blitzed)?
458.taken mood altering drugs without prescription (valium or quaalude)?
459.been told you had sex the night before and you can’t recall a thing?
460.awaken the next morning wondering where you were?
461.awaken the next morning wondering if you had a good time?
462.awaken the next morning wondering where you were, and who’s
that next to you?
463.awaken the next morning wondering who you were?
464.felt like the Three Bears (who’s been sleeping in my bed)?
465.felt like Baby Bear (who’s that sleeping in my bed)?
466.ever thrown up from too much alcohol (aka driven the porcelain
bus, blown chips, tossing your cookies, the technicolor yawn,
praying to the porcelain god, called for the car (There’s Ralph’s
Buick)?
467.ever had blackouts (periods where you don’t remember what happened)?
468.been hung over?
469.had a hangover last more than one days?
470.taken the hair of the dog that bit you?

VII The Erotic, the Kinky, the Tacky and the possibly Perverted
have you:
471.been a member of a fraternity or sorority?
472.said “I’m normal, its everyone else that’s weird?
473.told dirty jokes in mixed company?
474.Discussed masturbation?
475.french kissed below the waist?
476.Discussed oral sex techniques (In general, not as part of a lesson)?
477.asked for instructions in oral sex techniques (again, lecture not lab)?
478.given lessons in oral sex techniques (‘Pay attention, I’m only
going to do this once…!’)?
479.demonstrated oral sex techniques with a ‘visual aid’ (carrot,
cucumber or taco)?
480.demonstrated oral sex techniques with an assistant?
481.demonstrated oral sex techniques for more than one person at a time?
482.played any game which required the removal of clothing (strip poker,
…End of the part14. To be continued..