Sperm Swap Blog

– homosexual, then your partner in deed, often referred to by the
word “someone” or “partner”, is to be someone of
YOUR OWN gender.
– 50-50 confirmed bisexual, then your partner in deed, often
referred to by the word “someone” or “partner”, is to
be someone of the OPPOSITE gender.
– asexual, then go take another test; we don’t need your dull type
around HERE!

1. Are you pure?
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I. Scoring
Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a sheet of paper containing
one itty-bitty answer to the Purity Test (Ooooooh!). Sworn to excellence of
workmanship, we now give you directions on how to calculate your Purity score.
There are several methods; the calculator method works best. Also there is the
a la mainframe method. (A DECsystem-2060 works great as a PC.)

Scoring method: Count “yes” answers.
Multiply the result by 100.
The result is your percentage purity.

The higher the number, the more pure you are; in the same vein, the lower the
score, the more of a sleaze-bag you are.
(Kinda cut-and-dry, black-and-white, eh?)

For your reference, we include calculator directions:
For people with real calculators (HP):
<# of YES answers> [ENTER] 100 *
For people with other (dinky) calculators:
<# of YES answers> * 100 =
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II. Warranty Information
We hope that you have enjoyed this test. It does not come with a
warranty, nor does it guarantee that it will get you laid or make you somehow
somewhat better in bed or the haystack.
The makers of this test are not responsible for any liabilities or
damages resulting from this test, including but not limited to paternity suits.
Ask your doctor or pharmacist.
Do not open back panel; no user serviceable parts inside.
Propagate (this test) at will, even without the written permission of
the publisher; just DON’T edit or change it. In reproducing this test, the
authors of this test may exercise droit de seigneur over you, your immediate
family, or fiance(e). You may or may not have additional rights which may vary
from state to state (i.e. inebriated, ecstacy).
(Editor’s Note: Yeah, right.)
Not recommended for children under twelve. Parental guidance
discouraged and frowned upon. Pencils, additional paper, and batteries not
included. Some assembly may be required. Does not come with any other
figures.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Drive carefully; 90% of the people in the world are caused by accidents.

The above is a public service announcement of this institution.

EDITOR’S FINAL NOTE: This ‘unofficial’ version of the purity test was designed
with one thought in mind: that PEOPLE HAVE BETTER THINGS
TO DO THAN SIT AROUND AND ASK ABSURD NAUGHTY QUESTIONS! I
mean, it’s one thing to ask “Have you ever done it?” but
it’s another thing to ask “Have you ever done it while
piloting an aircraft of over 30,000 pounds unladen net
weight over a foreign country in the late summer while
reading a copy of ‘Wuthering Heights’ and being almost
(but not quite) totally naked?” and to ask about every
other bloody state in between!! 400 questions was a
daunting task, but 500 questions? EYUUGH! Not to mention
that after plowing through the 500-question test one
time, almost every person we’ve talked to has had their
Purity score go up! So we’ve taken it upon ourselves to
alleviate the burden of taking a long-winded, inaccurate
examination by reducing it to a quick quiz of personal
beliefs; if YOU think you’ve done enough to be impure,
GO FOR IT! Far be it for US to tell you how pure you
are! It’s all up to you. And isn’t that what it’s all
about, anyway?

************> Brought to you by: Patrick G. Salsbury, Super Genius <***********

************> Joseph V. Prisco, aka Pope Zaphod I of the 80 columns <***********

************> and your local True Value Hardware dealer… <***********