Archive-author: Don Sharp
Archive-title: Animal Sex Life
From _Easyriders Magazine_
Cross-country bikers who travel cuntless usually discover that to
leave one nagging problem behind simply leaves a throbbing one in front.
Fortunately, America’s farmlands provide an abundance of domestic live-
stock that can be exploited to reduce the swelling. The biker who uses such
means may know that he is practicing a tradition sufficiently ancient to
have been denounced by Moses.
Unfortunately, sex manuals neglect this dimension of sexual prac-
tice. They tell how it’s done in a dozen countries, of acrobatic positions,
of how to use cunt juice as a sauce for roast squab, but tell nothing of
shagging animals. The following treatise may well be the first of its kind.
Hopefully, this pioneer work will stimulate public discussion of animal-
fucking. Perhaps someone will initiate a monthly journal devoted thereto,
complete with centerfolds, advertisements for helpful apparatus, and a
question-answer column (which the author hereof, being the only one quali-
fied, volunteers to write). Further, the author hereof swears on a greasy
chop manual that the lore presented herein has been gathered from years of
attendance to the discourse of plowboys, mule-skinners, swineherds, chick-
en thieves, and others of like ilk, well qualified to instruct. Henceforth,
no biker should begin a cross-country run without taking this copy of Easy-
riders along for guidance.
Given the brevity of this guide, only the rudimentary procedures
appropriate to common domestic livestock can be outlined. Exotic foreign
species such as the yak or alpaca and wildlife such as bears and moose are
excluded, as are dogs, these topics deserving treatises to themselves.
To consider cows first. Cows are basically nervous. They’re like
the prick-teasers of the 50’s who would bat their eyelashes, lean over to show
their boobs, flounce their skirts to show a beaver, and then shriek like
hell if some bothered dude tweaked a tit. Cows can be attracted by a handful
of cottonseed meal, a piece of bread (preferably whole wheat), even a bunch
of grass. They will hang around, switching their tails to show off their
cunts, then get jumpy and run off as soon as the cow-screwer gets serious.
Therefore, to fuck a cow requires that it be immobilized, a fact long
recognized in rural architecture. As long as milkmaids did the milking, it
was done in the open, the cow being kept in place by a bucket of eating
goodies. With the development of large dairies, men took over and the barns
built to shelter milking were cleverly contrived to assist cow-screwing.
The cow was headed into a stall, its head locked in a stanchion, and
hobbles added according to the disposition of the cow and the agility of the
…End of the part1. To be continued..