Sperm Swap Blog

I went for a warm-water diving holiday - blue skies - clear water - my club-mates all had other plans, or they had used up their holiday leave - and so they got left behind

You never know who you’ll end up diving with - it’s a mixture, good and bad - but it’s warm - We need our cold-water wetsuit tops on, over our swim gear, but it’s warm enough to leave off the neoprene pants that are a must back home - When I get there we have an odd number in the party - we start by diving with a three - then the next new arrival is buddied with me - she isn’t bad-looking - on the thin side - but she starts off like a real pain - chip-on-shoulder feminist -

We start a boat dive - get our kit together - I go to check her over before we dive - she says ‘don’t treat me like a beginner - I don’t need this macho diver stuff - I’m an underwater archaeologist’ - well I come from a club where we look after each other - we take safety seriously - I hope I’ll get the same from you - she shrugs

we start the dive from the boat after a longish trip out round the coast - a shallow-water boat dive should be safe and easy - no more than ten metres - lots of light, warmth and colours - oh we can’t make up our minds to agree which way to go - signal troubles and squabble - she swims well but wants to lead off anywhere and everywhere - I follow - hardly any time to look at the wildlife -

rocks and weed and crud - something wrong - we’re both tangled up in something - I signal her to wait while I try and get rid of whatever it is - I get out my knife and start cutting - she’s really nervous - fidgets and flaps - getting more tangled up - is it net or is it line - can’t see as it’s practically invisible in the water - just a bit of weed caught in it - I give her stronger signals to stop fart-arsing about - point my index-finger - show flat of hand - ring with thumb and first finger - meaning - you - stop right there - ok? - at last she gives back - ok - she stops moving around and I set to work - only a few strands round my fins - wow - she’s got in a mess - lots of tangled stuff - knife isn’t the best for nets, but it’s all I’ve got - a very little air into her jacket - so she’ll rise up out of the net as she gets free - bit of air into mine too - I work to free her head first and then on down - what’s this, more net stuff round her regulator valve - cut it free - stay far enough off not to get tangled again myself we swap more signals while I work - check there’s no more panic - she gives ‘ok’ back - right, now her body’s free and out of the net, only her legs to do, there are strands around her knife-sheath and fins - eventually we get her entirely free - at last - better check though I’m pretty sure we’re all ok -

oh fuck, she may be a pain, but she’s got good legs - I get a slight stir about the cock and wonder what the rest of her is like - well, now the main work is done, but I run my hands all down her thighs, to make sure there’s nothing …End of the part1. To be continued..

Archive-author: Archive-title: Chinese Words

| | | Chinese Words We All Need to Know. | _______________________| | | | Ga Fuck | | Lin Your | | Yah Mother | | Wuh I, me | | I Love | | Nee You | | Papa Father | | Ta He, She | | More More | | Hie a dore More than anything | | Hando Very much | | Da Big | | Me Doesn’t have | | La er A dick | | Jeba Pussy | | Malee Beautiful | | Shaw Think | | Nio meo Do you have | | gice Them | | Tonesinglien Gay | | Su Are | | Nuhie Girl | | Cawn See | | Shaw Want | | Nee numoo num? Will you? | | La Oh! | | Er 2 | | Gun (Name) choo chee Go out with | | Nee cub cuy? Can you? | | Way Hello | | Nee how ma? How are you? | | Sheen chee ee Monday | | Sing she ooh(Wansa) Friday (Night) | | Jeenwhy Tonite | | See Yes | | Boo No | | Nee she wah say? Who do you like? | | Say? Who? | | Chingtien Today | | Chingtien nee how ma? How are you today? | | Jeenee Spurm | | Eenway Because | | Tso Ugly | | Nee hun tso You are very ugly | | Nee she whine wu ma? Do you like me? | | Wa sa ma? Why? | | Nahnhie Boy | | Nee su hun malee Nuhie You are very beautiful girl | | Wa she wa ni tsie tsa I wish you were here | | Bejuay Shut up | | Lien Face | | Wa shu chee nee I miss you | | Tsa tsi su bu? What is this? | | Wa jawngway I will | | Nee yo eegu hun tsa da lawer You got a very, dirty, big, dick | | Ni she needa jeba. You are a big pussy. | | Ga ne ma jeba. Fuch your mothers pussy. | | Chu ga lousi Go fuck the teacher | | Ni si si jay san juay zo der lern You are the ugliest dick in the world.| |________________________|

–

was fiery red with the heat, her long hair stuck to her skin in the wettest places. I tossed of my shirt and collapsed to the ground, exhausted. You see, I’m from the mountain states and have never learned to deal with the heat. She knelt down beside me and asked,”Are you O.K.?”

Was I O.K.? I guess you could say it was possible. I mean I’m alone out in the country with this centerfold come to life. She’s sitting beside me buck naked ready and willing to go. But how far? If this is another replay of my last flame I don’t know if I can stand it. Kim was just a bitch but it took time to find it out. I did everything I could think of to please her but the harder I tried the more apathetic she became until we just missed the mark somehow. I guess I shouldn’t say she was a bitch. That comes from a part of me I’m trying to improve but missing with her hurt me so bad that I’m still full of anger. Sorry, Kim.

“Are you O.K.?” she asked again. I closed my eyes and leaned back on my elbows. “Yeah, better now.” A sudden breeze ran through the branches above us. She touched my shoulder lightly and traced a path out across my chest giggling with childish excitement. “Is that all you’re going to take off?” she asked. Before I could reply, her fingers drifted downward to the buttons on my jeans. With a quick tug the first came free. I began to harden as the remaining buttons fell open. She took me in her hand and sighed. “You’re really hard! Can I do something for you?” she asked in that little country girl voice that she uses for me at times like this. Somehow the fatigue and exhaustion I was feeling just moments ago evaporated into thin air. A sudden flash of light and we both jumped. The dark underside of the storm cloud sent another cooling breeze. Her nipples suddenly hardened and her breath came in short little pants. “We don’t have much time, Bill. The forecast is for a coming storm.”

I couldn’t get going fast enough. She was everywhere at once. The lightning flashed again and again and the air was suddenly full of flying leaves. Her soft lips parted with an impatient moan as she pulled me down next to her and began a slow trail of wet kisses from my neck downwards. Her tongue explored my navel and I wrapped my hands in her hair. Pushing gently downward I guided her to my groin. She kissed the head and then looked up to me. “I love you and I want to know that this will be my first time,” she whispered. As she did her magic my gaze drifted upwards to the treetops swaying in the wind. The charcoal grey clouds boiled their way eastward and cooling breezes pushed the suffocating heat away. Feeling the wave of pleasure begin, I let go of her hair and dug my fingers into the soft mossy floor beneath us. I was losing control and didn’t want the end to come so soon. But the roll of the stormcloud could not be stopped and the only thing I could do was to let myself be swept away, forever, hopelessly lost in the soul of the one I loved.

“I’m sorry,” I said as she snuggled up to me, “I wanted to wait for you.” Her eyes were soft with desire and she took my hand between her legs and rolled her hips passionately. Her warm lips pressed into the hair of my chest while that rich hair spread gently over my shoulders. “You can go again, I know it,” she urged. We’d always started this way but something in her tone told me that we were now on the brink of discovery. I wanted to know her, to please her as she did me. I wanted to love her completely. My lips began their usual business but before I had gone down too far she stopped me. “I can’t wait,” she gasped,”Do it now!” I shook my head, she didn’t really know what she was capable of and I set out to show her. Her pert breasts melted to my touch, my fingers strummed a love song between those thighs that soon pressed wildly upward bearing the gift that she had to offer. The first raindrops began to pelt us like tiny ice cubes. “Hurry,” she wailed, “It’s coming fast.” She rolled her head from side to side slowly at first then faster as my lips discovered her womanly treasure. The patter of raindrops became more regular and the cool water washed away any hesitancy that she had left. The sky flashed, the trees bent before the coming storm and the hot stillness that had existed moments before gradually transformed itself into a frenetic orgy of naked power. She let the power take her away time and time again until she could barely breath. “I love you, I really love you.” I raised up and looked into her eyes. “Now?” I asked.

It was hot that day, like dog’s breath in your ear. The sun sat squarely above us as we walked hand in hand down the dirt road that bordered Hank’s field. Off to the west came the distant rumblings of an approaching storm. “How much further is it?” I panted. We’d been walking for nearly an hour and I was ready to drop. “We’re almost there shooga,” she replied. This girl was something else, country born and country bred. Her yellow halter top and cutoff shorts did everything but hide the luscious body under them. I had to have her, I was hopelessly in love.

She stopped beneath the overhanging limbs of an old live oak and sat on one of the drooping branches. I sat next to her and felt her slide ever so slightly in my direction. Sherry was her name and she was truly fine. Beautiful through and through with a gorgeous personality to match that incredible figure. I watched her pull up her hair and fan her neck. A little drop of sweat tiptoed down her neck and stood just above that first hint of cleavage. Another joined it and then another until together they ran into that moist valley beneath her top. She saw me staring and giggled, goosebumps rising from her flawless skin. “It’s just around the corner shooga, why the fuss?” “I’m so hot,” I spat, “let’s get the hell outta here and go swimmin’, O.K.?”

She stood up and stretched, then pulled the denim shorts away from her thighs. Without a word she walked on without me. Where she got this energy I’ll never know but all it did was make me love her more. The storm rumbled again closer now. Maybe it would cool things off. I followed her down that dusty road toward a distant grove of trees.

I’d been seeing her now for about a month. We had a lot of things in common and our sex life was coming along nicely although we hadn’t yet gone all the way. She was a paradox. So eager to get things going, so passionate and warm at first and then suddenly cold like the cold wind before a storm. My hands knew her every curve and my lips knew her secret places. I could only hope that I wouldn’t have to wait much longer. As it came nearer, so it faded away.

She reached the trees long before I did and by the time I stumbled into the shadows she was undressed. Her skin …End of the part1. To be continued..

     gestures which only we know are erotic  c) subtly, like the sound
     of distant music.

 73. In love making, pain plays
     a) an important part  b) on occasional role  c) no part at all,
     unless you're a pervert.

 74. The use of erotic words and sounds in foreplay
     a) excites me  b) does not upset me but I do not use them myself
     c) turns me off.

 75. During foreplay I like
     a) bright lights  b) soft illumination  c) darkness.

 76. Dressing up erotically is
     a) exciting  b) OK for my sexual partner but not for me
     c) absurd.

 77. The use of vibrators, brushes, gloves and other equipment during
     foreplay is
     a) fun  b) OK for a change  c) perverse.

 78. Fellatio and Cunnilingus are
     a) normal and exciting  b) OK for a change  c) unnatural and
     sickening.

 79. With me foreplay normally lasts
     a) under half an hour  b) half an hour to an hour  c) an hour to
     two hours  d) over two hours.

 80. Ideally, with me, intercourse normally lasts
     a) under 15 minutes  b) 15 minutes to a half an hour c) a half an
     hour to 1 hour  d) over 1 hour.

 81. In intercouse I prefer
     a) the man on top and the woman below  b) the woman on top and
     the man below  c) a variety of positions.

 82. If I had my way I would enjoy intercouse most
     a) in a bed  b) on the floor  c) in the open  d) in unusual
     places.

 83. The movements in intercourse should be 
     a) quick and passionate  b) varied  c) slow and controlled.

 84. If I see myself in a mirror during intercourse it
     a) excites me  b) amuses me  c) embarrasses me.

 85. During intercourse I normally
     a) fantasize  b) think only of my lover  c) lose myself in the
     sensations of lovemaking.

 86. I believe that learning to control the muscles used in
     intercourse is
     a) well worth the effort  b) possibly worth while if we could
     find the time  c) pointless in our modern world.

 87. I feel that moments of stillness, without movement, at the peak
     of intercourse    
     a) enhance the ecstasy of intercourse  b) help to prolong
     intercourse  c) are an unnecessary interruption.

 88. Intercourse without orgasm
     a) can be ecstatic in a very special way  b) might be necessary
     but does not add to the pleasure of intercourse  c) is incomplete
     and might be dangerous.

 89. In intercourse it is essential to
     a) seek your own satisfaction because your partner's satisfaction
     will follow as a matter of course  b) keep your pleasure in line
     with your partner's  c) seek your partner's ecstasy because then
     yours will follow.

 90. The ecstasy of sex likes in
     a) the body  b) the glands c) the mind.

–

     because I have only just met my partner  c) switch off: I can't
     take public sex.

 60. Erotic movies are
     a) Exciting  b) OK if you have the right company  c) turn me off.

 61. Erotic photographs are
     a) best viewed in private with the right companion  b) best viewed
     alone  c) sick.

 62. Well written erotic literature is
     a) exciting  b) interesting  c) at best, strictly for
     masturbators.

 63. The number of erotic books I have read is
     a) over 10  b) between 5 and 10 inclusive  c) between 2 and 4
     inclusive  d) one  e) none

 64. My sexual fantasies, or erotic day dreams occur
     a) often  b) occasionally  c) seldom  d) never.

 65. When I'm sexually attracted by a person I daydream about us
     a) holding hands  b) kissing  c) carressing  d) making love.

 66. When I do fantasize about sex I imagine us dressed in exotic
     clothes
     a) often  b) occasionally  c) seldom  d) never.

 67. I imagine us making love before an admiring audience
     a) often  b) occasionally  c) seldom  d) never.

 68. I imagine myself making love to a number of persons of the
     opposite sex, at the same time
     a) often  b) occasionally  c) seldom  d) never.

 69. When I have vivid sexual fantasies I find my body responding to
     my mental pictures
     a) strongly  b) mildly  c) never.

 70. I prefer sexual foreplay to start
     a) long before we reach the place where we are going to make love
     b) only when we're alone but before we reach the bedroom  c)
     only after we reach the bedroom.

 71. Foreplay should be started by
     a) the man  b) either of the partners  c) the woman.

 72. I am stimulated if foreplay is started
     a) boldly by a word or touch withch everyone could understand if
     they heard it or felt it  b) in public, but secretly by words or

…End of the part7. To be continued..

     herd regardless of their personal attributes  c) exhibitionists.

 52. If I was with a group of men and women, some of whom I did not
     know very well, and we saw a topless woman, I would
     a) point her out as just another interesting sight  b) feel
     awkward and say nothing  c) try to divert my group's attention
     away from the exhibitionist woman.

 53. A person of my sex, whom I know very slightly, is sitting
     awkwardly, revealingly, without knowing it, I would
     a) tell a few friends so they might also take in the view  b)
     feel awkward and keep it to myself  c) find a mutual friend and
     pass the word back to the exposed person  d) approach the person
     and discreetly mention it to them.

 54. What would I do in situation 53 if the person were of the
     opposite sex.

 55. In a resort the men's bathroom is separated from the women's
     stall by a thin wall.  As I am drying myself in the shower-stall
     I see two eyes peering at me through an old pipe-duct let into
     the dividing wall.  I would
     a) continue to dry myself making sure they got the best view
     possible  b) back against the wall and finish drying myself
     hurriedly  c) wrap the towel around me, grab a robe, and exit.

 56. At a friend's home I walk into a room and find two people makeing
     love and know that they've seen me.  I
     a) say 'Sorry' and close the door behind me  b) back out
     hurriedly, but stay on in the party  c) leave the party to avoid
     facing them when they come out of the room.

 57. I go to a picnic without a partner and find everyone pairing off
     and vanishing behind the dunes.  Only one person of the opposite
     sex is left.  I have just met that person.  I
     a) say 'Care to come for a walk?' hoping that an interesting
     sexual encounter will develop  b) sit down beside the person, in
     the open, and talk  c) stretch out where I am and go to sleep.

 58. After the swim they want to take a group photograph with everyone
     wearing masks and nothing else.  I would
     a) try and get in the front row  b) try and conceal some of my
     nudity behind somebody else  c) say I couldn't join because I was
     shivering and a cramp would build up right away unless I got
     dressed immediately.

 59. When we get back to the host's home, the lights are doused, we
     sit on the floor in couples, and blue films are shown.  The 
     couples around me are obviously uninhibited.  I would
     a) grab the opportunity and do likewise  b) proceed cautiously

…End of the part6. To be continued..

43. Extra-marital relationships, generally a) improve a marriage b) put a strain on a marriage c) destroy a marriage.

 44. In my marriage I would like to
     a) have no extra-marital affairs  b) have extra-marital affairs
     by mutual consent  c) have extra-marital affairs as a matter of
     right.

 45. Number, on order of perference, your choice of the listed
     alternatives to traditional marriage.  Or indicate that none of
     these appeal to you
     a) Group Marriage: two or more couples sharing partners in a
     stable marriage relationship  b) Partner Swapping: individual
     couples maintain their separate homes but meet only to exchange
     partners for temporary sex  c) Casual Partners: occasional sexual
     partners are introduced into an otherwise traditional marriage;
     the outside partners might be single or married but the essential
     feature is that the relationship with the outsiders is transient
     and casual.

 46. When my sexual partner touches me in affection, and in public, I
     a) welcome it  b) like it but feel awkward  c) resent it because
     there is a time and place for everything.

 47. When my sexual partner makes a play for another person in public,
     even though I know it is only in fun, I 
     a) get jealous  b) feel a little hurt but accept it  c) am amused
     and proud.

 48. When my sexual partner and I are separated temporarily I
     a) am certain that my partner will not have a sexual escapade
     with another person  b) am reasonably confident of my partner's
     fidelity, but not absolutely certain  c) couldn't care less what
     my partner does  d) permit my partner to browse in other
     pastures.

 49. Sexual encounters are 
     a) ego building and should be spoken about openly  b) interesting
     and can be spoken about to close friends  c) private affairs and
     should remain so.

 50. An extra-marital relationship in the modern world is
     a) still a private thing  b) not as private as it used to be but
     is still something that shoulde revealed only to one's friends
     c) an accepted relationship which need not be concealed.

 51. Revealing clothes are worn by
     a) all people who think young  b) people who want to run with the

…End of the part5. To be continued..

 32. Birth Control is the responsibility
     a) the man  b) both partners  c) the woman.

 33. During foreplay, Birth Control measures are
     a) an awkward interruption  b) totally unacceptable  c) fun,
     because they can be made part of the game.

 34. I prefer
     a) the pill  b) condoms  c) a diaphragm  d) the loop or IUCDs
     e) an operation  f) suppositories, foams or jellies  g) coitus
     interruptus  h) the 'natural' method  i) none of the methods
     listed above.

 35. Thanks to the effectiveness of modern Birth Control methods
     a) sex has become fun  b) there is some hope of controlling the
     population explosion  c) society has become permissive.

 36. Regardless of its practical advantages, I believe Birth Control
     has
     a) opened up new vistas of sex outside the narrow marriage bond
     b) robbed sex of a certain spontaneity
     c) become mutual masturbation.

 37. Birth Control has done much to dispel sexual fears and taboos.
     This, in itself, is
     a a great leap forward  b) a mixed blessing  c) a dangerous
     thing.

 38. Sexual fears and taboos
     a) are blind superstition  b) are distilled wisdom based on
     practical experience  c) are the inner promptings of man, a
     higher warning which it is dangerous to ignore.

 39. Sexual fears and taboos are, basically
     a) the same all over the world  b) tailored to suit a specific
     set of circumstances  c) irrelevant in a modern context.

 40. By diminishing sexual fears and taboos, Birth Control has made
     marriage
     a) a more stable and satisfying bond  b) face considerable 
     extra-marital competion  c) nothing more than licensed
     prostitution.

 41. I believe that a monogamous marriage is
     a) the ideal but not very practical  b) a very practical
     relationship  c) absurd and quite unnecessary.

 42. Sexual exclusiveness, between marriage partners is
     a) a most workable system  b) a social hangover which will change
     c) entirely impractical in the modern world.

…End of the part4. To be continued..

     a) more than 10 people  b) between 5 and 10 includisve  c)
     between 2 and 4 inclusive  d) only 1 person  e) none.

 22. In this period I have had sexual intercourse with
     a) more than 10 people  b) between 5 and 10 inclusive  c)
     between 2 and 4 inclusive  d) only 1 person  e) none.

 23. I first had sexual intercourse when when I was 
     a) under 15 years of age  b) between 15 and 18, inclusive
     c) between 19 and 24, inclusive  d) after 24  e) I have not, as
     yet, had sexual intercourse.

 24. Of the people with whom I had intercourse
     a) more than 10 are now married  b) between 5 and 10, inclusive,
     are now married  c) between 2 and 4, inclusive, are now married
     d) only 1 person is now married.

 25. When I had intercouse with them
     a) more than 10 were married  b) betwee 5 and 10, inclusive were
     married  c) between 2 and 4, inclusive, were married  d) only one
     person whas married  e) none were married.

 26. During my extra-marital affairs I have become pregnant, or made
     my partner pregnant 
     a) more than 10 times  b) between 5 and 10, inclusive, c) between
     2 and 4, inclusive  d) only once  e) never.

 27. Of these extra-marital pregnancies
     a) more than 10 children were born  b) betwen 5 and 10 children
     were born  c) between 2 and 4 children were born  d) only one
     child was born  e) no children were born.

 28. I was responsible for the termination of
     (You need have not done it yourself, and restrict yourself to the
     pregnancies you caused, or underwent.)
     a) more than 10 pregnancies  b) between 5 and 10 pregnancies  c)
     between 2 and 4 pregnancies  d) only one pregnancy  e) no
     pregnancies.

 29. My past expereience has led me to treat sex with
     a) enthusiasm  b) delight but caution  c) great care.

 30. I believe sex is best used for
     a) pleasure  b) mutual awareness between the sexual partners  c)
     procreation.

 31. Birth Control is
     a) essential  b) a necessary evil  c) totally unacceptable unless
     a 'natural' method is used.

…End of the part3. To be continued..

     maintained my sexual awareness  c) whish I could be a teenager
     again, because those were the best years.

 11. I had my first sexual experience with a person of the other sex
     a) before I was 11  b) after 11 but before 13  c) between 13 plus
     and 15  d) between 15 plus and 19  e) after 19.

 12. This first experience was
     a) initiated by me  b) a mutual thing  c) initiated by the other
     person.

 13. That first experience was
     a) stimulating and I wanted more  b) stimulating but I was scared
     off sex for a while  c) unsatisfactory.

 14. My next sexual experience occured
     a) within  a week of my first  b) after a week but within a month
     c) after a month but within three months  d) after three mohts
     but within six months  e) after six months but within a year
     f) after a year.

 15. Masturbation is 
     a) satisfying and often necessary  b) satisfying but never
     necessary  c) satisfying but often harmful  d) not satisfying at
     all.

 16. When I was an adolescent, or a teenager, I have been sexually
     attracted to persons of my own sex
     a) often  b) sometimes  c) once  d) never.

 17. As an adolescent or a teenager I have had a homosexual or lesbian
     experience
     a) often  b) on a few occasions  c) once  d) never.

 18. I feel that homosexuals and lesbians should
     a) be allowed to live their own lives  b) be pitied and cured
     c) to be prosecuted for their perversion.

 19. Teenage affairs are
     a) a good preparation for life  b) a necessary evil  c) an
     unmitigated evil and shouild be prevented by all means.

 20. Now that I am older, when I think back on my first sexual
     experience
     a) I would like to repeat it to see how it would feel now  b) it
     might be interesting to repeat, but why rake up the past?  c) I
     wouldn't like to go through that again.

 21. From the age of 20 till today I have been sexually caressed by 
     (Exclude those with whom you have had sexual intercourse)

…End of the part2. To be continued..

Archive-author: Archive-title: Compatibility Test

Found the following test for tantric partner compatability.  Basicly

the two partners are supposed to take copies of the test separately, then exchange papers and study the results, followed by discussion. It is supposed to give you insight into your partner’s sexual attitudes and such. I thought I would pass the test on:

 1. When I see a sexually attractive person I am 
     a) aroused  b) interested  c) cool.

 2. I try to find out that person's reaction to me
     a) right away  b) in the course of our first meeting
     c) at some future time.

 3. If the person is interested I
     a) deliberately engineer our next meeting
     b) hope our next meeting will occur soon
     c) wouldn't go out of my way to find out when we might next meet.

 4. When we do meet again I 
     a) make a strong play  b) make my continued interest apparent
     but not obvious  c) play it cool

 5. To keep a person interested in me sexually I keep the sexual 
     motif in dress, conversation and gestures
     a) strong  b) subtle but constant  c) underplayed.

 6. Friendship between a man and a woman
     a) always has a sexual base  b) is usually sexual but may be platonic
     c) becomes sexual only if one of the two gives it a sexual bias.

 7. If a peron of the opposite sex made a tactful, but obvious, sexual
     proposition I would be
     a) flattered  b) flustered  c) insulted.

 8. I can have a satisfying sexual relationship
     a) without love  b) only if I pretend that I am in love
     c) only if I am in love with my sexual partner.

 9. Even though my physical capability may decrease with age I 
     believe that my sexual interest will
     a) increase  b) remain roughly what it is now  c) diminish.

 10. When I look back at my teen years I
     a) feel I'm far more sexually alive now  b) know I have still

…End of the part1. To be continued..

preferring to pick up a dish in some bar, instead. Women whose husbands like Pink should keep a secret nest egg for when they are deserted. Pink indicates a tendency to squander money.

ORANGE People who favor Orange tend to have sexual fantasies. The sex act is regarded as a dramatic role, a one-act play in which they are the star. Foreplay is as important as the act of love. They whisper sweet nothings; meaningless dialogue they feel fits their image. Orange people often do not experience orgasm, but they put on a darn good act. Men tend to pull their partner’s hair and women leave red welts on their sex partners back. But the bruises and the ballyhoo add up to nothing.

BROWN If you love Brown, you are a real treasure for the right mate. Brown lovers tend to be warm and deep. Sensitive to the needs and desires of their partners. Sex is a 24-hour a day thing to them. They can’t say “I Love You” often enough. Snuggling by the fire, walking in the rain or catching snowflakes on their tongue is a turn on to a lover of Brown. They need lots of time and privacy to make love. But their emotions are such that one harsh word could end the affair.

GRAY The color Gray is preferred by people who are indecisive. They can’t get excited about anything - including colors - so they choose a noncommittal shade. Men who prefer Gray look at sex as a means of relieving tension, (nothing more, nothing less). It’s wham, bam, thank you ma’am. Women who prefer Gray don’t make love, they have intercourse. And for one of two reasons, to accommodate their mate or to become pregnant. They count the cracks in the bedroom plaster until the sex act is over with and done. When a Gray marries another Gray, the marriage is made in heaven. But when teamed with another color, the Gray spouse considers the color’s infidelity a blessing.

BLUE Lovers of Blue are wonderful sex partners. They are sincere, affectionate and sensitive to their partners needs. They consider lovemaking a fine art and their approach is elegant. Men who love Blue are like concert pianists; delicately ravaging their partner like they would play a baby grand. Women in the Blue category enjoy sex to the fullest. They are exciting partners, but their passion might be compared to tidal waves rather than fiery aggression. Both men and women enjoy foreplay and the aftermath of love-making as much as the sex act itself. In marriage, a Blue person is a wonderful mate - never failing to please the spouse and never seeking outside interests.

WHITE If a person in infatuated with White, sex often seems dirty. These people are puritanical in nature. French kissing is obscene and to make love in daylight in unheard of. Women who love White will undress beneath the covers. Men will shower before and after the sex act. These people will use pet names for their genitals.

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Archive-author: Archive-title: Your Favorite Color is the Key to your Sexual Life

RED Tend to be tigers in the sack. They are easily aroused and enjoy sex in every way imaginable. Once the sexual spark is lighted, it may take hours to extinguish. When two Reds get together, the ensuing erotica could make Lady Chatterley blush. Lovers of Red tend to be the aggressors and weaker colors should beware!

YELLOW If you tend to favor Yellow your sexual drivers are complex and lean toward the adaptable. The favorite color of homosexuals is Yellow! No don’t panic - not everyone who wears Yellow is gay. In most cases the person will acquiesce to the stronger partner’s desires in a passive manner. You will never enjoy sex to the fullest, but you will never turn down an invitation from someone you enjoy or admire.

PURPLE Lovers of the color Purple frequently consider themselves too regal for a fun romp in the sack. Women sometimes are the type who hate to muss their hair. Men are business-like in their approach to lovemaking. In both sexes, Purple partners are more concerned with their fulfillment than anyone else’s gratification.

BLACK Black color preferences point to Black sex. These people are the misfits of the sex world and seek out each other in kinship. They tend to prefer perverted sex and are usually masochistic or sadistic in nature. They are moody people and often perform at their peak when under stress or during unhappy times. Police psychiatrists claim that many sex offenders prefer the color Black. And it is no coincidence that the uniform of mobsters and teenaged gangs is Black attire.

GREEN Those who prefer Green are fresh and innocent in their approach to sex. Women who love Green will make love like virgins all of their life. And a man may always be a trifle clumsy and awkward, but in a charming and endearing sort of way. Green lovers are gentle, but not passionate. If chosen as a mate, one will never need worry about infidelity.

PINK Persons who like Pink show a reluctance to mature in sexual matters. Women tend to tease; to promise more than they intend to deliver. In some cases, they flaunt their femininity - but because they secretly hate men. A great percentage of prostitutes boast entire lingerie wardrobes in Pink. Men who like Pink are philanderers and flirts. They are the type who will take three dates for the same evening and not keep one; …End of the part1. To be continued..

you.” The baby began to squall. John patted it absent-mindedly as he spoke. “Seemed the situation was likely to go on forever, long as the fellow never slowed down. Gianni got to play a few tricks on the fellow every so often, kid him around a little. One time his deputies grabbed him off the street and got him drunk, sat around him in a circle blowing smoke into his face and forcing whiskey down his throat. Curious-like to see what’d happen. Thought steam’d puff out of his ears or something. But he only collapsed–it took nearly two bottles, they told me, nearly two whole bottles, even though he was only a wispy little fellow. Didn’t wake up for two days. But once he was back on his feet he swept Gianni’s wife into his arms and ran up a woods track clear to Chittenden County with her laughing gales every second and telling him to mind he didn’t trip over roots.” “Did you say Chittenden County?” Pete asked. “Vermont?” “I did indeed,” John said. “The one right here. Old Gianni was so shocked he crunched his cigar in half. Nearly had the pair of them killed when they got back. But later on he learned to take a more philosophical attitude, oncet he figured out there was nothing he could do. His wife helped him out a little–you know how women can take your mind off things. Told him no way she can be happy with a dynamo–just a bang, no build-up, no fuse. “I didn’t know what to tell him. I didn’t know if this was the kind of problem you could cure with your standard marital aids or something like that. “Oncet I saw Gianni buying the fellow coffee and doughnuts. He was waving this stinky little Italian cigar, telling him there’s no difference between them, they’re all brothers. Just that the fellow got hisself a higher metabolism. He had a point–the fellow was always drinking like he’d burn up, always kept a canteen in his belt, always dashed behind a tree every couple of minutes. Gotta keep the system lubricated. Motor got too many rpm, can’t let it overheat. “You buy that? I’d like to, but I doubt there’s a pat answer to everything.” “I don’t know,” Pete said. “Ain’t so weird. Fellow in the Guinness book who ate a whole car or something, piece at a time.” “Ayuh,” John said. “That’s so. Well, let’s see now~they’d just made peace when Gianni took his girl back to the Old Country. I got postcards from the Fontana di Trevi and Napoli and other places that I’ll never hope to see. Fellow kept on running rings around me, asking when they’re gonna come back. My little cousin–that’s my little cousin Geoffrey, by the way, he’d be right out of high school now if he ever bothered to finish–Geoffrey said he caught the fellow jerking hisself off in the middle of the cemetery. He was cleaning up and coming again until he was sure he couldn’t possibly have any left. Yet he must’ve got a second wind the instant he ran over her threshold–instantly got back in Gianni’s bad books. Must’ve carried her right on up to the attic– “Now I was walking back from the bus station with old Gianni. He’d stayed for a couple drinks, sent his wife on home before. When he saw the door to his house was open, immediately he starts suspecting something. Don’t be crazy, I says, don’t be crazy, you just got home. You come with me, Gianni says, I’m gonna get that fella. That’s okay, I says, you can tell me all about it later. I went on home–I didn’t want no part of it. “I met Gianni next day, this is what he told me. He says he waited till he heard them sighing up in his attic. Then he went upstairs and watched them through the keyhole until they’d wrapped their legs up tight and strung out their arms across the cast-iron bedstead. He reached down slowly to his belt and loosened his two pairs of handcuffs–just so. His wife didn’t even look up when Gianni snapped the handcuffs around her wrist. The fellow? Well, Gianni said he knew what was happening, his eyes were always darting around the room, but he never thought to do nothing about it. Gianni took his ankle in his big hands–he was a blacksmith, you know, got calluses all over–and locked it tight to the rail. Sweat dripped down the fellow’s leg, made a mess all over the clean bedding. Gianni told me he just held his nose and went out the door. “Before their ribs started poking out of their sides Gianni took half the town, one-time ‘r another, to look at them through the keyhole and point and ask questions. Hey, bud, I heard this old sailor guy ask him, ya got a naked woman on display there, all ready for fellers to look at, and… you ain’t even chargin’? No, sir, Gianni says to him, never even crossed my mind. Later on he ground their bones up and mixed them up in his oats. Told me it made his horse run a mile-two faster.” “Damn,” Pete said. “That’s some story.” He looked up and noticed John’s wife leaning against the door, one hand on her hips. The points of her teeth sparkled, catching his eye. “You ought never believe a word he says,” she said, shaking her head. Her laugh rolled out deep as a growl. Grinning sheepishly, John leaned forward and slurped up the last of his coffee. Pete got up to say his good-byes. John’s wife went hurriedly to embrace Pete, stretching and sporting her lean body before the old ex-carpenter. She smiled, showing all her teeth. Pete nodded quickly, ducking his head before she could kiss him, and hurried out of the house.

• Neil Bernstein – nwbernst@unix.amherst.edu