Sperm Swap Blog

1. in a moving vehicle of more than 3000 pounds GWT (a van, pickup), necked/petted?
2. in a moving vehicle of more than 3000 pounds GWT, had oral sex?
3. in a moving vehicle of more than 3000 pounds GWT, fucked?
4. in a moving vehicle of more than 10,000 pounds GWT, necked/petted?
5. in a moving vehicle of more than 10,000 pounds GWT, had oral sex?
6. in a moving vehicle of more than 10,000 pounds GWT, fucked?
7. with the operator of a moving vehicle, necked/petted?
8. with the operator of a moving vehicle, had oral sex?
9. with the operator of a moving vehicle, fucked?
10. as the operator of a moving vehicle, necked/petted?
11. as the operator of a moving vehicle, received oral sex?
12. as the operator of a moving vehicle, fucked?
13. on a train, necked/petted?
14. on a train, had oral sex?
15. on a train, fucked?
16. on a roller coaster, necked/petted?
17. on a roller coaster, had oral sex?
18. on a roller coaster, fucked?
19. in a wheelbarrow, necked/petted?
20. in a wheelbarrow, had oral sex?
21. in a wheelbarrow, fucked?
22. on a boat (rowboat, personal yacht, sailboat, etc), necked/petted?
23. on a boat, had oral sex?
24. on a boat, fucked?
25. on a ship (battleship, aircraft carrier, etc), necked/petted?
26. on a ship, had oral sex?
27. on a ship, fucked?
28. in an aircraft (airplane, blimp, zepplin, hovercraft, hot-air balloon, UFO, etc) in flight, necked/petted?
29. in an aircraft in flight, had oral sex?
30. in an aircraft in flight, fucked?
31. on public transportation (bus, subway, tram or trolley), necked/petted?
32. on public transportation, had oral sex?
33. on public transportation, fucked?
34. on a school bus, necked/petted?
35. on a school bus, had oral sex?
36. on a school bus, fucked?
37. on horseback, necked/petted (just don’t scare the horses)?
38. on horseback, had oral sex?
39. on horseback, fucked?
40. on a bicycle in motion, necked/petted?
41. on a bicycle in motion, had oral sex?
42. on a bicycle in motion, fucked?
43. in a telephone booth, voting booth, hall closet, or other small, non-moving enclosure, necked/petted?
44. in a telephone booth, voting booth, hall closet, or other small, non-moving enclosure, had oral sex?
45. in a telephone booth, voting booth, hall closet, or other small, non-moving enclosure, fucked? …End of the part28. To be continued..

1. while parents were sleeping, had oral sex?
2. while parents were sleeping, fucked?
3. while parents were awake, necked/petted?
4. while parents were awake, had oral sex?
5. while parents were awake, fucked?
6. while parents were awake in the same room, necked/petted?
7. while parents were awake in the same room, had oral sex?
8. while parents were awake in the same room, fucked?
9. while hot tubbing, necked/petted?
10. while hot tubbing, had oral sex?
11. while hot tubbing, fucked?
12. in a sauna or steam bath, necked/petted?
13. in a sauna or steam bath, had oral sex?
14. in a sauna or steam bath, fucked?
15. in a chair, couch, recliner, etc, necked/petted?
16. in a chair, couch, recliner, etc, had oral sex?
17. in a chair, couch, recliner, etc, fucked?
18. in a place of religion, necked/petted?
19. in a place of religion, had oral sex?
20. in a place of religion, fucked?
21. in a place of the dead (morgue, cemetery, etc), necked/petted?
22. in a place of the dead, had oral sex?
23. in a place of the dead, fucked?
24. in a contraption of the dead (coffin, urn, etc), necked/petted?
25. in a contraption of the dead, had oral sex?
26. in a contraption of the dead, fucked?
27. during a movie (in a theatre), necked/petted?
28. during a movie, had oral sex?
29. during a movie, fucked?
30. in a sports area (stadium, court, track, or ballfield), necked/petted?
31. in a sports area, had oral sex?
32. in a sports area, fucked?
33. in a stationary vehicle of less than 3000 pounds GWT (a car, small pickup, minivan, etc), necked/petted?
34. in a stationary vehicle of less than 3000 pounds GWT, had oral sex?
35. in a stationary vehicle of less than 3000 pounds GWT, fucked?
36. in a stationary vehicle of more than 3000 but less than 10,000 pounds GWT (a van, pickup), necked/petted?
37. in a stationary vehicle of more than 3000 but less than 10,000 pounds GWT, had oral sex?
38. in a stationary vehicle of more than 3000 but less than 10,000 pounds GWT, fucked?
39. in a stationary vehicle of more than 10,000 pounds GWT (a semi, RV, tank, etc), necked/petted?
40. in a stationary vehicle of more than 10,000 pounds GWT, had oral sex?
41. in a stationary vehicle of more than 10,000 pounds GWT, fucked?
42. in a moving vehicle of less than 3000 pounds GWT (a car or small pickup), necked/petted?
43. in a moving vehicle of less than 3000 pounds GWT, had oral sex?
44. in a moving vehicle of less than 3000 pounds GWT, fucked? …End of the part27. To be continued..

1. had sex while on any drug?
2. used the USC Scheduled Drug List as a checklist of what to try?
3. used the USC Scheduled Drug List as a checklist of what to try while having sex?
4. used any drug when you were to wasted to know if it had any effect (e.g. smoked pot while blitzed)?
5. used a second drug to cancel out the effects of a first (using downers after uppers, etc. [it doesn’t work])?
6. taken mood altering drugs without prescription (valium or quaalude)?
7. been told you had sex the night before and you can’t recall a thing?
8. awaken the next morning wondering where you were?
9. awaken the next morning wondering if you had a good time?
10. awaken the next morning wondering where you were, and who’s that next to you?
11. awaken the next morning wondering who you were?
12. felt like the Three Bears (who’s been sleeping in my bed)?
13. felt like Baby Bear (who’s that sleeping in my bed)?
14. ever thrown up from too much alcohol [aka puked, spewed, barfed, retched, driven the porcelain bus, blown chips, tossed your cookies, the technicolor yawn, prayed to the porcelain god, called for the car (There’s Ralph’s Buick), etc.]?
15. ever had blackouts (periods where you don’t remember what happened)?
16. been hung over?
17. had a hangover last more than one day?
18. taken the hair of the dog that bit you (drinking to cure hangover)?
19. been to an AA meeting, or the like?
20. been to a drug-rehab meeting?

21. been to a GLBA (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual Alliance) meeting or the like?

    XI. Green Eggs and Ham (Locality - 178 Questions))

    “have you done it on a plane, have you done it on a train; have you done it in your bed, have you done it on your head; Have you, have you, had green eggs and ham” (with apologies to Dr Seuss)

    Have you:

22. with others in the same room, necked/petted?

23. with others in the same room, had oral sex?
24. with others in the same room fucked?
25. with others in the same room, necked/petted without them knowing?
26. with others in the same room, had oral sex without them knowing?
27. with others in the same room, fucked without them knowing?
28. while parents were sleeping, necked/petted? …End of the part26. To be continued..

1. played a drinking game?
2. won a drinking game?
3. played a game where it was unknown who would be getting drugs (who’s got the pill, etc)?
4. spiked a punch with alcohol?
5. spiked a punch with other drugs?
6. taken any synthetic hallucinogen (MDA, STP, Deep Purple, or Sandoz)?
7. did you understand the examples in the last question?
8. ingested any ‘natural’ hallucinogen (peyote, mescaline, ’shrooms, ergot)?
9. more than once?
10. more than four times?
11. had a bad trip?
12. had a flashback?
13. gotten a bad batch?
14. taken hallucinogens for enlightenment, or other philosophical reason?
15. taken PCP or other veterinary drug?
16. more than once?
17. more than four times?
18. taken any ‘designer’ drugs?
19. done speed or meth-amphetamine?
20. more than once?
21. more than four times?
22. made or synthesized your own drugs?
23. made or synthesized drugs, ‘commercially’ (been the lab)?
24. grown your own?
25. bred your own?
26. bought ‘moonshine’ (any alcoholic beverage made outside the Federal limit of 200 gallons annually for personal consumption)?
27. been to a rock or heavy metal concert?
28. been to a Frank Zappa rock concert?
29. been to a Grateful Dead concert?
30. been to a Barry Manilow concert?
31. listened to acid rock?
32. were you at Woodstock?
33. been a groupie?
34. been a roadie?
35. thought about starting a band to meet groupies?
36. thought about starting a band to get good dope?
37. actually started a band to get groupies or dope?
38. told someone you were with the band?
39. did it work?
40. sung dirty songs, the kind with no subtlety in the lyrics (e.g. Let’s get drunk and Screw)?
41. sung bawdy songs (e.g. Polka Dot Undies, Do your ears hang low, the Bottle Song)?
42. composed bawdy lyrics?
43. brewed your own?
44. had sex while drunk or stoned?
45. had sex while on acid?
46. bungee-jumped on acid? …End of the part25. To be continued..

1. used prescription drugs that you didn’t ‘need’ or have the prescription for (’abused’ a controlled substance)?
2. bought or sold a controlled or illicit drug?
3. bought or sold a controlled or illicit drug, wholesale?
4. sold as a controlled or illicit drug a non-drug item (burned somebody)?
5. bought a controlled or illicit drug in bulk for personal use?
6. frequently bought controlled or illicit drugs in bulk for personal use (like weekly or there about)?
7. had a standing order with your supplier?
8. taken a non-prescription opiate (heroin, morphine, or opium)
9. more than 4 times?
10. ingested cocaine (bolivian marching powder)?
11. more than once?
12. more than four times?
13. smoked crack?
14. more than once?
15. more than four times?
16. freebased?
17. chugged?
18. sniffed glue?
19. smoked the killer weed (tobacco)?
20. more than once?
21. on a regular basis?
22. chain smoked?
23. smoked the killer weed (marijuana)?
24. more than once?
25. more than four times?
26. smoked the killer weed (oregano)?
27. smoked the killer weed (parsley)?
28. smoked banana peels?
29. smoked clove cigarettes?
30. chewed tobacco, or snuff?
31. gargled with hard liquor (No more mediciny breath!)?
32. had alcohol for breakfast?
33. drank Coke & nutmeg?
34. drank Coke & aspirin?
35. made Alice B. Toklas Cookies (marijuana or hash brownies)?
36. eaten Alice B. Toklas Cookies?
37. inhaled nitrous oxide (laughing gas) recreationally?
38. injected any non-prescription drug into yourself?
39. more than once?
40. more than four times?
41. injected more than one non-prescription drug simultaneously into yourself?
42. more than once?
43. more than four times?
44. injected any non-prescription drug into someone else?
45. more than once?
46. injected more than one non-prescription drug simultaneously into someone else?
47. more than once? …End of the part24. To be continued..

   you thought about it?

682. caused another person pain for your pleasure, or had another inflict pain for their pleasure (its called sadism)? 683. yes, again; no, thought? 684. had another inflict pain for your own pleasure, or caused another person pain for their pleasure (its called masochism)? 685. yes, again; no, thought? 686. tied up a masochist and refused to cause them pain (its called cruel)? 687. used Schedule I (USC 21, sec 812 (c)) drugs (synthetic opiates, meth- amphetamines, marijuana, hallucinogens, LSD)? (with over 145 drugs scheduled, we’re not listing them all) 688. yes, again; no, thought? 689. used Schedule II (USC 21, sec 812 (c)) drugs (opium, coca leave products (Coca Cola doesn’t count))? 690. yes, again; no, thought? 691. used Schedule III (USC 21, sec 812 (c)) drugs ( barbiturates, lysergic acid, amphetamine)? 692. yes, again; no, thought? 693. used Schedule IV (USC 21, sec 812 (c)) drugs (Barbital, chloral Hydrate, Phenobarbital)? 694. yes, again; no, thought? 695. abused Schedule V (USC 21, sec 812 (c)) drugs (codeine)? 696. yes, again; no, thought? 697. intentionally urinated on someone (its called ‘golden showers’, ‘water sports’, or piss fights)? 698. yes, again; no, thought? 699. intentionally defecated on someone (it’s called sick)? 700. yes, again; no, thought? 701. intentionally urinated on yourself? 702. yes, again; no, thought? 703. intentionally defecated on yourself? 704. yes, again; no, thought?

X. The Meaning Of Life (Sex, Drugs, and Rock ‘n Roll - 124 Questions)

 have you:

1. considered the song “I want to hold you hand” suggestive?
2. considered ‘why don’t we do it in the road’ a reasonable question?
3. do you know (no guessing) who followed Hendrix at Woodstock?
4. been intoxicated from alcohol?
5. been intoxicated from some other drug?
6. been intoxicated from a controlled or illicit drug?
7. introduced someone to ‘drugs’ in general?
8. introduced someone to a new (to them) drug?
9. used over the counter drugs for purposes of getting intoxicated?
10. taken any drug that you weren’t sure what it was, just to find out what it does (foolish you)? …End of the part23. To be continued..

   genders on a relatively even ratio for the period of time in question)?

645. If you answered ‘yes’, would you do it again? If you answered ‘no’, have you thought about it? 646. engaged in incestual activity [with a member of your family (incest is best - put your sister to the test)]? 647. yes, again; no, thought? 648. engaged in homosexual incest (with a member of your family and gender)? 649. yes, again; no, thought? 650. engaged in bestiality (sex with non-humans, not the merely sub human)? 651. yes, again; no, thought? 652. engaged in xeno eroticism [sexual activity with alien life forms (NOT the kind without green cards)]? 653. yes, again; no, thought? 654. engaged in pedophilia (sexual activity with pre-teenage children)? 655. yes, again; no, thought? 656. engaged in bondage (’voluntarily’, you had some control on initiation.)? 657. yes, again; no, thought? 658. engaged in sodomy (defined as either: 1) copulation with a member of the same sex or with animals or 2) non-coital intercourse, esp anal or oral copulation with the opposite sex)? 659. yes, again; no, thought? 660. practiced cocrophilia (using feces or filth for sexual excitement)? 661. yes, again; no, thought? 662. practiced frotteurism (masturbation by rubbing against another person)? 663. yes, again; no, thought? 664. practiced mysophilia (a dependency on something soiled or filthy, such as dirty underwear or used menstrual pads (like the female gym teacher in Porky’s))? 665. practiced klismaphilia (a dependency on being given an enema)? 666. practiced zipitage (the picking of other people’s zits)? 667. performed analingus (”oral stimulation of the anus”)? 668. If you answered ‘yes’, would you do it again? If you answered ‘no’, have you thought about it? 669. practiced “role-playing” for sexual purposes (nurse/patient, teacher/student, border guard/well-endowed co-ed)? 670. yes, again; no, thought? 671. crossed dressed (dressing in clothing of the opposite sex), other than for a costume party? 672. yes, again; no, thought? 673. crossed dressed for a party or as a joke and discovered you liked it (shouldn’t watch Rocky Horror so much)? 674. yes, again; no, thought? 675. practiced necrophilia [sex with the dead (truly deceased. That innocent young virgin you molested doesn’t count, no matter how frigid she was)]? 676. yes, again; no, thought? 677. practiced zombiphilia (sex with the undead)? 678. had a leather fetish? 679. had a rubber fetish (insisting on the use of rubbers doesn’t qualify)? 680. performed anal intercourse (”That’d have to be in the butt, Bob”)? 681. If you answered ‘yes’, would you do it again? If you answered ‘no’, have …End of the part22. To be continued..

1. received oral sex?
2. performed mutual oral sex (’69′)?
3. performed mutual masturbation?
4. watched while a woman masturbated?
5. had a woman watch while you masturbated?
6. orgasmed in her (if possible)?
7. orgasmed on her?
8. had her orgasm on you?
9. kissed a woman (or girl) on a first date?
10. necked with a woman (or girl) on a first date?
11. petted with a woman (or girl) on a first date?
12. had oral sex on a first date?
13. given oral sex on a first date?
14. fucked on a first date?
15. had oral sex instead of intercourse?
16. performed anal sex on a woman (dildo or whatever)?
17. received anal sex from a woman (dildo or whatever)?
18. performed oral stimulation of the anus on a woman?
19. received oral stimulation of the anus from a woman?
20. been seen naked under good lighting by a woman (note: nude is expected (e.g. in a shower room or at a nude beach), naked is when you didn’t expect to be seen (e.g. in the bathroom).)?
21. seen a woman naked under good lighting?
22. undressed under good lighting, knowing a woman was watching you?
23. been in a woman’s company while both of you were nude without anything steamy happening?
24. bathed or showered with a woman (non-coed facilities don’t count)?
25. let a woman wash you when you were perfectly capable of doing it yourself?
26. washed a woman who was perfectly capable of washing herself?
27. had sex while in the shower?
28. had sex while taking a bath?
29. seduced a woman?
30. allowed yourself to be seduced?

31. had sex with a virgin (We’re Virgin Destroyers - We won’t go down in history, but we will go down on your little sister)?

    IX. The Nitty and the Gritty (Things To Do and People To Do Them With - 65 Questions)

    Are you now, or have you ever been:

32. engaged in heterosexual activity (with a member of the opposite sex)?

33. If you answered ‘yes’, would you do it again? If you answered ‘no’, have you thought about it?
34. engaged in homosexual activity [with a member of your sex (who better to know what feels good?)]?
35. If you answered ‘yes’, would you do it again? If you answered ‘no’, have you thought about it?
36. engaged in bisexual activity (defined here as sexual activity with both …End of the part21. To be continued..

1. been kissed below the neck, but not on the hands and arms?
2. received a hickey (or had the attempt if you are hard to get)?
3. received a hickey in an intimate location?
4. been scratched or marked by her?
5. been nibbled or bit?
6. been nibbled or bit in an intimate location?
7. had your clothed legs fondled or stroked by a woman?
8. had your clothed body fondled or stroked?
9. had your clothed breast or nipples fondled or stroked?
10. had your covered genitals fondled, stroked, pet, or otherwise handled?
11. had your bare legs your bare legs fondled or stroked by a woman?
12. had your bare body fondled or stroked?
13. had your bare breast or nipples fondled or stroked?
14. have your bare genitals fondled, stroked, pet, or otherwise handled?
15. propositioned a woman for necking or petting?
16. propositioned a woman for any sexual practice?
17. pinched or patted a woman’s buttocks?
18. kissed a woman below the neck, but not on the hands and arms?
19. petted above or below the waist?
20. given a hickey to a woman?
21. given a hickey in an intimate location?
22. left scratches or nail marks on her?
23. left teeth marks?
24. left teeth marks in an intimate location?
25. fondled or stroked a woman’s clothed legs?
26. fondled or stroked a woman’s clothed body?
27. stroked or fondled a woman’s clothed breast or nipple?
28. petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled a woman’s covered genitals?
29. fondled or stroked a woman’s bare legs?
30. fondled or stroked a woman’s bare body?
31. stroked or fondled a woman’s bare breast or nipple?
32. petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled a woman’s bare genitals?
33. been involved with pelvic thrusting while clothed?
34. had sex with a woman?
35. had you fingers licked or sucked?
36. licked or sucked a woman’s fingers?
37. had your ear, or ear region licked, breathed upon, sucked or nibbled?
38. licked, breathed onto, sucked or nibbled a woman’s ear?
39. fondled a woman who was asleep?
40. woken up being fondled?
41. had sex with a woman who was asleep and she didn’t wake up?
42. had sex with a woman who was asleep and she did wake up?
43. slept through sexual activity (she doing it to you)?
44. woken up in the midst of a woman having sexual activity with you?
45. given a woman a backrub or massage with ulterior motives?
46. did it work?
47. been petted to orgasm?
48. petted to orgasm?
49. performed cunnilingus (”oral stimulation of the vulva or clitoris”)?
50. tasted a woman’s orgasmic fluids? …End of the part20. To be continued..

XIII - Kids, Don’t Try This at Home XIV - Don’t Worry; I was a Boy Scout XV - Mama Always Told Me to Share XVI - Old MacDonald had his Farm, E-I-E-I-OHHHHHHH! XVII - Let there be Lips! XVIII - Eyes On Your Own Papers, Please Epilogue: Warranty Disclaimer

Public domain; no copyright. All rights wronged, all wrongs reversed. Up with going down. The risen flesh commands: let there be love. Murphy’s law on sex: Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.

This document was not sponsored by the Department of Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, and was not monitored by the Air Force Avionics Laboratory. The views and conclusions contained in this document should not be interpreted as representing the official policies, either expressed or implied, of the Defense Advanced Projects Agency or the US Government. Neither should it be interpreted nor inferred that the authors/contributors have actually performed any or all of the actions contained herein, but they most likely have.

Feel free to distribute at Will (or anyone else you know, for that matter), but please don’t change the intro (but if you absosmurfly MUST do that, at least leave the credits in… we worked hard, dammit! ).

Genesis / History:

Version 1 (100) - sometime before 1982 Created at MIT’s Baker House. Two parallel versions; one for male, and one for female. Very little is known about this version.

Version 2 (247) - spring 1983 Expanded to 247 questions. This marked the beginning of the unisex version. The story goes that they intended it to be 250 questions, but got tired that night and said “We’ll think of three more tomorrow,” and tomorrow never got there.

Version 3.5 (400) - April 10, 1985 First formal release. All former versions were short-lived and tended to be bug-ridden. Does not discriminate against gays or bi’s. Added in Genesis/History section, instructions, scoring, and warranty.

Version 3.5a (400) - April 13, 1985 …End of the part2. To be continued..